Obedience Before Blessings

On Monday night, I was getting ready for bed and out of nowhere I felt like God was telling me to do something specific. Usually when God speaks to me it's more an impression than actual words, but this time it felt like I was getting direct orders from Heaven. He was asking me to give up something that seemed like a lot to ask. In the grand scheme of things it was really a small matter, but in my mind it was worth a fight with God. I went to bed still determined to have my own way.

I don't know why I think I can argue with God and win. It doesn't happen. Because, even if I do get my own way, I end up finding myself in worse shape than if I'd just obeyed in the first place. Going into any argument with God, I know that I will probably end up doing what he is telling me to, but I think maybe, just maybe this time I can persuade him to see it my way. (I hope you're realizing the irony in that statement!)

Lately I have been trying to get myself in the habit of waking up earlier, instead of rolling out of bed 10 minutes before I have to be out the door. So Tuesday morning I woke up at 5:45 am, poured a large cup of coffee, and sat down at the table to read my bible for a few minutes. This seems to be a good way to get my day started in the right direction. I wanted to read the parable of the Prodigal Son, so I flipped to the New Testament, but I didn't remember exactly where it was. (I'm convinced the parables wander around and trade places while my bible is closed because I can never find the one I'm looking for!) So as I was flipping through Matthew, reading the headings of each section looking for the one I wanted, another parable heading grabbed my attention. It was the parable of the rich, young ruler.

I've read this parable at least a million times in my years of Christian school, AWANA, Sunday School, weekly church services and teaching bible studies, but never before has it really resonated with me. I am not rich by any stretch of the imagination. I don't have bags of money laying around my house, like I always imagine the rich, young ruler having. I barely get by on my bi-weekly, part-time job paycheck. After bills are paid and my SUV's gas tank is filled I have barely enough money to get groceries and make it to my next paycheck many weeks.

Needless to say, God knew I needed to read that parable with a fresh perspective and used it to speak to the very area that I had been battling him about the night before. That parable tore my argument and my resolve to shreds and I knew I had to do it. I had to cut up my credit card and stop relying on it to provide, instead of the Lord. I was still struggling with it, but I grabbed the scissors and did it anyway.

My car has given me countless issues over the 5 years that I've had it. Problem after problem has come up, each as expensive and frustrating as the next. I have a friend who happens to be a mechanic and was recently hired at the dealership I take my car to. I talked to him about the newest issue I was having, a check engine light that had been on for a couple months. (Oops!) He had me take the car to the dealership to find out what was wrong. After he looked at it and diagnosed the newest problem, I had a feeling it was going to be expensive. And given that God had just made me cut up my credit card that morning, I was a bit annoyed and kind of wanted to cry! He said he would find out if it was covered under my warranty. But knowing that I was a bit over the 100,000 miles, I knew it wasn't.

Driving home I said "God, I believe that you know what you're doing, but I don't see a good outcome in this situation. You know I have like $15 in my bank account. I don't know how you're going to do this, but I know I didn't shred that credit card for nothing." Maybe that wasn't the most theologically sound prayer I could have prayed, but that was all I had in that moment.

My friend called me that night with great news, it would be covered under the warrant and to bring it in the next day to be fixed free of charge! On the way there
I contemplated getting my filthy car washed, but because money is so tight and I don't know how the mechanics feel working on a dripping wet car, I opted to wait.

Paperwork was filled out and I waited semi anxiously in the lounge, somehow knowing there was a mix up and I would be handed a $500 bill on my way out. The woman helping me came to walk me to my waiting car. As we walked out the door she said, "You're all set. And it even got a car wash."

God's will hurts sometimes

Sometimes life doesn't make sense until you sit back and take a closer look.

You may remember a few months ago I wrote about my excitement to be spending 2 weeks in the city of Durban in South Africa. I prayed, sent out support letters, worked at fundraising events, and talked excitedly to people about the trip. I was so excited to get going.

And then the first financial deadline came and went. I was woefully short on support. I knew that if I was supposed to be going, God could have moved mountains and made it possible. So I did my best to accept that it wasn't the right time for me to go. My mom has assured me over and over again that there must be some reason why I wasn't able to go and to keep my eyes peeled for the reason.

The group going to South Africa left today. It hurt a little to not be boarding the plane with them.

I have some things in mind that could be the reason I'm not there. But I am waiting to see what the next 2 weeks has in store before I pass final judgement.

Praise Him in the hallway

Sometimes things don't turn out the way we plan or the way we would like them to. And that is okay.

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

This is a concept that I am trying to put into practice in my own life. I am the type of person who gets bored very quickly. I need a challenge and if I don't have it or if I get too complacent with something, I'm ready to head out on the next adventure. So many people have said, right now in my life is the best time for me to go out and do things, see things and explore before a husband, house, or babies tether me down. That is something I want to do. I want to travel. I want to do things that I will only be able to do easily in this period of life. I want to meet new people and go on solo adventures.

These things are not happening for me right now and I am frustrated to say the least.

Recently I thought one adventure was coming to a close. It's the kind of closing that most people dread, but I was hoping for it. I knew it would free me and force me out of the comfort zone I have been living in for about 2 years now.

But it didn't close.

Anyone else would have been thankful. I was pretty bummed. I hoped it would be my golden opportunity to take a risk and make a big life move, but that is not in the plans right now I guess.

I have to come to terms with the fact that my plans are not God's plans. No matter how well planned out my plans might be, I am not in control. Most days it is a comfort to know that I am not in control, but lately it has felt more like a burden than a blessing. I find myself striving in vain for some kind of control in my life.

I heard a quote (I don't know where it came from exactly) that said "If God doesn't open another door, praise Him in the hallway. I feel like that's where I'm living. It seems like I have been camped out in the hallway of life for a very long time now, just waiting for a door to open, even just a crack. I don't know what that door will lead to, but I have to believe that when it is the right time, a door will open.

So every time I walk down the hallway that leads to my bedroom I think to myself, "Praise Him in the hallway. Praise Him in the hallway. Praise Him in the hallway." It's a little mantra I have started in my head.

"To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue." Proverbs 16:1

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"If men devise their way, so as to make God’s glory their end and his will their rule, they may expect that he will direct their steps by his Spirit and grace, so that they shall not miss their way nor come short of their end. But let men devise their worldly affairs ever so politely, and with ever so great a probability of success, yet God has the ordering of the event, and sometimes directs their steps to that which they least intended. The design of this is to teach us to say, If the Lord will, we shall live and do this or that (Jam. 4:14, Jam. 4:15), and to have our eye to God, not only in the great turns of our lives, but in every step we take. Lord, direct my way, 1 Th. 3:11." Matthew Henry Commentary of Prov. 16:9

Light at the end of this tunnel

As you know, I have been in a serious funk lately. So many dreams that I have been dreaming for years are either being taken away completely or are feeling less and less likely. I have felt like God has forgotten me lately.

I am usually a pretty happy person. My life has never been easy, but through it I have learned to be joyful in spite of my troubles. The last couple weeks that joy was gone and I couldn't seem to find it again. I knew it was my fault, but I could not drag myself out of this funk.

A friend and I have been talking and praying about starting a get together of sorts for girls like us, stuck in this weird mid-20s and single phase of life. She was optimistic, and I was cynical. Those are usually our roles, we balance each other out I suppose! Last week was the first week of this thing, and it was only her and I. I became more cynical, and she prayed harder. I felt let down and frustrated with everything in life, so I found myself dwelling on that, instead of doing the only thing that I could do, pray. I had resigned myself to it just being the 2 of us. I love her dearly, but I wanted to reach more people.


Last night was the second night. Our party of 2 became a party of 3! It was great. We shared and got to know one another. We laughed and cried. We shared our hearts, our hurts and our hope for the future. It was great!

Today, I feel a little more like my usually self! I have a spring in my step and a new assurance that the light at the end of the tunnel that I see is probably not a train!

Relinquishing a dream

A few months ago, on what seemed like a whim, I signed up to go on a mission trip to Durban, South Africa after hearing a friend and mentor share about it. I was fired up about it. I couldn't wait to get on the plane. I just knew that God would provide and I wouldn't have to worry about the $4,000 that it would cost. I helped out at fundraisers, I sent out support letters, I prayed and got more excited with others going on the trip.

Then, about 2 weeks ago, reality hit. I was still very far from my monetary goal and the deadline was approaching at lightning speed. $2,500 is due today and I am nowhere near that amount. Last week I was told that I had only received $200 in funding. I don't know about you, but I don't have $2,300 laying around to pay for the rest of the trip.

So today, with a heavy heart, and only $225, I trust that God has a different plan. I won't be going to Durban in July, but he has a plan.

A little part of me, actually quite a large part of me, feels so let down, frustrated and like I failed. Today will be a rough day, I am sure.

I can't explain what happened or why God chose not to come through. All I can do is believe that my God is bigger than I can imagine and he has a different plan for me. I am letting go of this dream and holding on to Jesus. It is the only option I have.

Since I love lists, I will close with a list of things that are helping me today:

1. God is good, no matter my circumstances, no matter my "feelings"
2. I don't understand His plan, and I don't have to (though this freaks me out most of the time!)
3. I don't know what the next 6 months holds for me, but God does, and if Africa isn't part of it I have to believe that there is a reason for that
4. God doesn't need me to fulfill His will, and if I am willing to go whenever He calls, then He will use me in the right situation when it comes up
5. I will be ok. I may be frustrated and let down, but I will be ok if I rest in Him

Ten truths for a weary soul

I wanted to make a list of some of the most basic truths that I am clinging to right now. Things seem so topsy-turvy in my world and I have to hold on as tight as I can to things that I know to be true.

1. God is still God
   ~ He is Almighty, All-Powerful, All-Knowing, Loving, and In Control of EVERYTHING

2. If something is in God's plan, there is nothing on earth (or anywhere else) that can stop that from happening
   ~ He is in control (as previously stated!) and no scheme of man or devil can shake that control

3. He knows what He is doing
   ~ Whether He says yes or no, opens doors or locks them and throws away the key, He makes no mistakes.

4. He has my best interest at heart
   ~ God wants what is best for me and He won't just leave me in a bind to figure it out on my own. He also won't put me in the wrong situation. He wants good things for His children.

5. There is a reason for everything, even when I don't understand
   ~ There are many times when God steers me in a different direction than I would expect and I find myself crying out to God because I don't understand what He is doing. But He sees all things and I do not.

6. He has a plan for my life
   ~ Jeremiah 29:11 is my proof

7. God has blessed me more than I seem to remember
   ~ When I get frustrated and don't see the good in my life, I am reminded that I live in a great country where I can work and make money and I am not in slavery or oppression. I sleep in a warm bed in a safe home. I have food in the fridge and clothes on my back. I can go to church and read my Bible in public without the risk of persecution. I don't have any right to complain.

8. I can always rely on Him
   ~ Even in periods when God seems silent in my life, I know that He is always with me and watching over me.

9. God will provide for all of my needs
   ~ Even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it, looking back, there has never been a time when I have gone without something I needed. God always provides in some way, maybe not the way I expected, but He provides.

10. Jesus loves me
   ~ I may not know how to receive it, and may not always feel it, but if He was willing to die an awful death for me it is clear that He loves me.

What truth is God speaking to you today?

Having a blah day

I hope I am not proving how crazy I am by trying to be a little more transparent here. I know I'm nutty, but that's beside the point!

Lately I have been feeling very "blah". You know the feeling, nothing exciting happening in life, feeling tired and weighed down by the stress of the holidays, being broke because of the holidays, etc.

When I was a little girl December was such a magical time. My birthday started things off and then it ended with Christmas and New Years. Back when I believed in Santa and the reindeer and the whole nine yards things seemed so much more wonderful.

This year I officially feel old. I decided that in an attempt to keep the magic of Christmas alive for my niece and nephew I would also have a stuffed stocking waiting for me on Christmas morning. But my parents aren't there to fill it at our house, so I'll buy things to put in it myself. You know you're officially an adult when you have to fill your own stocking. It's a sad realization really. I'm sure that watching the kiddos react to the presents and stockings will inspire some kind of magical revitalization in me on Christmas morning, but for right now I'm struggling to be excited.

That is not the only thing that I'm struggling to get excited about though. I kind of knew that 25 would be a hard birthday. Though I am a year older, I am no nearer to what I thought life would be like at 25 years old. I'm not quite sure what I imagined life would be like, but this is not it!

And to top it all off, I am struggling to raise support for the trip to South Africa. I have less than 1 month before the first deadline and I am still so far away from the financial goal that must be reached in order to buy plane tickets. To say I am freaking out a little would be an understatement. I know that if I am meant to go, God will make a way. But I wonder if I am doing enough, if I'm supposed to be going since it's not looking like He's making a way, or if there is something else that is going on behind the scenes that I am not privy to.

So if you would pray for me I would greatly appreciate it. Here are some specifics:
1. I would need $2500 by Jan. 15 to buy plane tickets and solidify that I am going on the trip
2. My contentment in this weird time period of life while I am being asked to wait
3. My focus on the true reason for this Christmas season instead of looking at finances or impressions
4. For Key of Hope in Durban, South Africa, that they would be able to mend broken hearts and supply for the basic physical as well as spiritual and emotional needs of the children of Durban. (Rachel and Dan Smithers)

My heart is broken

This year has been a hard one. I know I'm not the only one who has noticed it. Looking back on 2012 there have been some huge things happen in my life and in the lives of those around me. There has been more death surrounding me than ever before in one year. It could be that I'm getting older and I know more people, many of which are much older than me. But that's not all of it. 

In the last 3 weeks there have been 3 young women somehow connected to my life that have died. They were 21, 23, and 24. I don't understand. It's harder when young people are taken from us. We struggle to figure out why things like this happen. 

One of these girls was the daughter of a family friend. She was in college and a sorority, on her way to work when something went terribly wrong. We can never know why things like this happen, but good can come from the pain. At her funeral the church was packed. I heard somewhere around 900 people were there. I would guess that many of them do not know Jesus. But after the funeral they had all heard His name. 

Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

God is not surprised when things like this happen. We probably would not have chosen to go through things like this, but God has a Divine plan that we are not always privy to. He promises to work everything together for good. They may hurt now, but beauty can be found in brokenness. 

The most recent blow to my life has been felt all the way from Florida. A man that I know and respect greatly was involved in a traffic accident on Monday. He is in a medically induced coma while doctors figure out how to heal his injuries and assess what his life will look like after this incident. 

A Facebook group has been set up to keep people informed about progress, but mostly to ask for prayers for his recovery. I was not surprised to see that well over 1,000 people have responded to the group. I can't even imagine the number of prayers that have been spoken, begging God to bring healing and comfort. 

In the end, I am left asking God why things like this happen. Why are there serial killers sitting in prisons all over the world healthy as can be, but some of the greatest people I know have to experience these things? Maybe He knows that in the death of a great man/woman/girl/boy people draw closer to Jesus. But it still hurts.

I don't mean to question the sovereignty of God. Maybe the better questions is, for what purpose does He have these things happen?

Talking to a friend last night we realized that even though this year has been one of the most difficult we have lived through, it has also been one of the best. We have experienced some deep valleys, but we have also experienced some of the highest mountain tops with Jesus.

So the moral of the story seems to be: trust God. When you are hurting, seek Him. When you don't understand, ask Him. When you feel like you cannot take any more of a beating, run to God. When it feels like life is crumbling around you, rest in the knowledge that God has you in the palm of His hand. When things are spinning out of control, know that God has everything under His control.

Please pray for the families of those that have lost loved ones. You don't need to know them specifically, but God knows. And also please pray for healing for Pastor Dave Vanaman in Ft. Myers, FL. 

God is good, even when I am struggling

Why does it seem like when you set out to do something important you are faced with so many set backs?

I think there are two reasons:
1. The devil knows that you are about to do something amazing and doesn't want you to succeed
2. God is teaching you something

I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to South Africa. I was so pumped! I was ready to conquer the world! I was ready to make a real life impact for the kingdom of God! I was ready to jump on the plane the next day. I wasn't worried about the fact that it's Africa. I didn't mind that it was so far in advance and I have no idea what my life will look like then. And I believed without a doubt that the funding would come in no problem. And then reality set in.

I was shocked when I got my first rejection. I know this is part of the game, but it still stung. But that was nothing compared to the defeat that I have felt in the last few days.

There are so many reasons why I feel this way that I won't get into here, but the basis is that I have allowed my emotions to control my thoughts. And when my emotions control my thoughts, I begin to believe that GOd won't come through. My heart doesn't want to exert the effort to have faith.

Please pray for my unbelief. It is not honoring to God and is really messing with me. I know in my head that if God intends for me to go He will make a way. There is nothing that can stand in the way of His plan. And that He loves me and wants good things for me. But there is a foot long gap between my head and my heart. So now the challenge is to make my heart remember and feel it.

It's frustrating, but even when I am struggling to believe, God does not change. He is still the Lord God Almighty, even when I have doubts. I can neither add nor subtract from the sovereignty of God.

I'm frustrated with what we call "church"

I have been in church pretty much every Sunday since I was born. I have gone to different kinds of churches in different places. I have experienced worship and sermons from various people and places. I have gone to camps and conferences and revivals and mission trips. And I spent 15 months as an intern at a church. I guess you could say I have a lot of experience with church. I'm no expert, but I think I can speak from what experience I have had.

About a year ago I found myself serving in ministry 6 out of 7 days most weeks, sometimes more. On top of attending church on Sundays (both services my church offered) I was helping in the nursery, leading a middle school girls' small group, involved in young adult ministry, attending the young adult small group, helping at youth group, serving at the Saturday Night service, and so much more that I can't even begin to list here. At one point I stopped and thought "Why am I doing all of this?" I wasn't doing all these things to worship God or grow closer to Jesus, I was doing them largely due to routine and appearances. I was warn thin and my personal life was beginning to show it. My life was showing signs of unraveling at the seams. After wading through this dilemma within me, I realized that I had to choose between my sanity and the ministries I was serving in. I had to step away from some things I was involved in.

When I began to step away from things there was some tension. People questioned my walk with God. They gossiped about what was wrong with me or how I was living my life. I tried to ignore the things I heard about myself that were not true, but it's not always easy.

Now I am again re-evaluating the ministries I am involved in. There have been things going on that I don't agree with. For the most part they aren't big, ministry ending things, but they are important none the less. There seems to be a huge focus on planning and recognition that I have noticed and a lack of being the hands and feet of Jesus here on earth. We are called to love people, not plan events to get people involved. Follow where the Spirit leads, not forge our own path. Give over control of our lives and our ministries, not be as involved as possible in everything. If we love people, God will bring the increase. And without the love of Christ running through us the people that come to that perfectly planned event will not want to come back. When we follow where the Spirit is leading us, we don't have to go through the hassle of cutting a new path and risk the peril lying ahead. And it is impossible to give 100% when we are trying to divide our time and energy into too many things.

The American church has it all wrong.

I look to the mission fields around the world for the true meaning of what Jesus is all about. They don't have beautiful, clean and fancy church buildings, they take the gospel to the city streets where the homeless need a true Savior. They go to the orphanages where the children need a Father. They give food and clothes and basic necessities to the needy who need to know the Provider. They go to the shut ins and widows who need a Lover. They provide medical care to those who need a Healer.

What are we doing to show the world the Jesus we serve and what He can do? It's not about people knowing our names or a perfectly executed event at church, it's about loving people. Even if it's not the homeless or orphans we can reach, there are still lost and dying people all around us, literally, that need to know Jesus. I want to challenge you to break the mindset of many churches and truly love people the way Jesus did.

Dreams

Let me start out by saying that I really do like my job! I know that God has placed me here for this time in my life and I am so thankful for it! However, I woke up earlier than necessary this morning dreading going to work. It is not the first time either. I know part of it is that I am not a morning person, so getting up early enough to be showered and ready to work at 8 am is not appealing to me at all, but that is not the only reason.

I enjoy what I do most days, but I sit at a computer in a cubicle and don't have much interaction with any people except the customers that call to complain. {And God has blessed me with this weird ability to talk to people who are upset that I didn't know I had until this job!} But I was not built to sit here and answer the phone and do mindless tasks for the rest of my life. I know that I am here for a reason in this time of my life, but I find myself praying more and more that this time would be ending soon and I will be able to become what I was built for very soon.

I believe that God gives us dreams so we won't get stuck in a rut with where He has asked us to be right now. He wants us to know that there is something ahead of us so we don't get too caught up in where we are now. I have big dreams! They terrify me most days because I know that I cannot accomplish these dreams in my own power and I don't like that! I like to be in control of things, or at least feel like I am in control. But with God leading my life, I don't have control and honestly I don't want to have control. If I had control of the direction of my life I would have messed it up big time already. But I have a God who wants to unfold His plan for me at opportune times so I have the courage to stick out today and the excitement to seek out what tomorrow will bring.

As much as I want my dreams to come true right now, I know that it is not possible right now and I am ok with that. I would love to have them come true in the next 11 months, but I will wait as long as it takes for the divine plan to fall together for me. I would rather wait for 100 years for what is right for me than to have something good enough right now.

What dreams has God given you? Are you strong enough to hold on until they come true?

What a 6 year old taught me about obedience!

I learn a lot of truth about life through interacting with my niece and nephew. This weekend me, my mom and niece and nephew had to run to a store for somethings that we needed. We had a small window of time to get things done and some uncooperative kiddos! We stopped at our house to get something that had to be exchanged and my niece started whining. {Nothing new! She's a very, I'll say, spirited child!} She was whining because she didn't want to go to the store, she just wanted to stay home and play with the neighbor girl. I was trying to explain to her that she didn't really have an option because she was too young to stay home alone and we had to go right then. As you can imagine, that didn't make things any better in her 6 year old mind. But at the end of the day, she really didn't have an option. There was something that we had to do and a specific time we had to do it, and she had to go. End of discussion. And when she got to pick out a toy at the store for being good {once we got there}, she thought she was the coolest thing since sliced bread and it made it all worth it!

How often do I whine and complain when God tells me what I need to do right then? How often do I try to avoid the conversations with strangers that He wants me start? When the Creator of the Universe says "jump" do I respond with "how high" or with "but I want to do this instead"? How does that work out for me? It works out about as well as it did for my niece this weekend! It works out about as well as it did for Jonah in the Bible when God told him to go to Nineveh.

Jonah 1:1-4, 11-17
The Lord’s word came to Jonah, Amittai’s son: “Get up and go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it, for their evil has come to my attention.” So Jonah got up—to flee to Tarshish from the Lord! He went down to Joppa and found a ship headed for Tarshish. He paid the fare and went aboard to go with them to Tarshish, away from the Lord. But the Lord hurled a great wind upon the sea, so that there was a great storm on the sea; the ship looked like it might be broken to pieces.

They said to him, “What will we do about you so that the sea will become calm around us?” (The sea was continuing to rage.) He said to them, “Pick me up and hurl me into the sea! Then the sea will become calm around you. I know it’s my fault that this great storm has come upon you.” The men rowed to reach dry land, but they couldn’t manage it because the sea continued to rage against them. So they called on the Lord, saying, “Please, Lord, don’t let us perish on account of this man’s life, and don’t blame us for innocent blood! You are the Lord: whatever you want, you can do.” Then they picked up Jonah and hurled him into the sea, and the sea ceased its raging. The men worshipped the Lord with a profound reverence; they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made solemn promises. Meanwhile, the Lord provided a great fish to swallow Jonah. Jonah was in the belly of the fish for three days and three nights.

Jonah didn't want to go to Nineveh. He had other plans. He wanted to stay where it was safe and comfortable. But God had bigger plans for him and Jonah's disobedience forced God to teach him a lesson. So Jonah spent 3 days inside a big fish and then was vomited out on shore. That sounds like a great way to spend a 3 day weekend! 

When we complain about what God is asking us to do and instead of doing it we give God our list of things we want to do, we are like a child that doesn't know what is good for them. I should know better, but I fail most days. When God tells me to speak, I remain silent. When God tells me to go, I prefer to stay. When He directs my path, I try to veer off the trail. I need to do better. Because, like I learned from my niece's episode, when we are obedient we are seen by a God who can bless us with more than a trinket from a department store!

Link up to
 

Push fear aside, not just farther down the road

Fear is a huge issue in our lives, I don't have to convince anyone of that. We fear everything. People breaking into our homes. Getting into a car accident. The unexpected. Losing our jobs. Spiders. Losing our homes. Death. Being alone. Snakes. Not living up to God's standards. Our children getting hurt or losing their way. What the doctor is going to say about the test results. Never getting married. Not being able to have children. I could go on and on and so could you.

But God says to cast your fears on him. Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. {Psalm 55:22} Sometimes that is just a nice "Christian" sentiment that is actually really difficult to live up to.

At church this weekend, we sang a song that said "Casting my fears aside" and that got me thinking about what I do with my fear. Do I cast them aside or do I just push them a little farther down the road to deal with them later? And if Jesus is always by my side, wouldn't casting my cares to the side be casting them on Him? I definitely do the latter most of the time. I push my fears down the road a little farther each time and eventually they are going to pile up so tall that they will turn into a solid wall of fear that won't let me pass.

Anxiety does the same thing. We cannot control every aspect of our lives which wells up anxiety about the future in our minds and hearts. But what does worry get you? Does it help solve the problem? No. Does it help us to gain insight into the situation? No. Does it help at all? Absolutely not!

I know that I have a lot of fear from the baggage of my past. There are things that I have to work on right now, but there are also things that I will need help unpacking. There will be plenty of awkward and incredibly not fun conversations I will have in my future. But it has to be done!



What are your fears? Are you casting them on Jesus today or are you just pushing them a little farther down the road to deal with later? Be careful, those fears could turn into a wall of fear that threatens to consume you if you're not careful!

Divine Interruptions

Have you ever been walking through life just fine and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, your life is interrupted and flipped upside down? I used to think that these were just big annoyances that got in my way and were to be moved through as quickly as possible, but I don't think that anymore. I am recognizing more and more in my own life that these interruptions are actually divine interruptions meant to make me pause and learn some things.

My life has been full of these divine interruptions lately, from my sister and 2 children moving back in with me and my parents, to a feeling of desertion from many of my friends, to letting go of a dream that I have held onto for so long. These interruptions have threatened to consume me and defeat me. But God is a gracious teacher. He hasn't let me quit yet. Just when I think I can't go another day in the chaos and I just want to hide under the covers all day, He brings me a reminder or some kind of blessing that rejuvenates my spirit and I remember that it will get better. It has to, because God would not bring me to this place to leave me here. He wouldn't be glorified in a broken mess of a person by dropping them off on the side of the road and leaving them for dead! He is glorified when we can show the world where we have been and where He has taken us from there!

I was thinking about a message I heard at the beginning of the year about divine interruptions by Beth Moore at the Passion Conference in Atlanta, Georgia. She spoke about the woman who had an issue of blood who touched Jesus' clothes and was healed immediately.

Here is the whole story from Luke 8:

Jesus heals two women

⁴¹ A man named Jairus, who was a synagogue leader, came and fell at Jesus’ feet. He pleaded with Jesus to come to his house ⁴² because his only daughter, a twelve-year-old, was dying. As Jesus moved forward, he faced smothering crowds. ⁴³ A woman was there who had been bleeding for twelve years. She had spent her entire livelihood on doctors, but no one could heal her. ⁴⁴ She came up behind him and touched the hem of his clothes, and at once her bleeding stopped. ⁴⁵ “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When everyone denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds are surrounding you and pressing in on you!” ⁴⁶ But Jesus said, “Someone touched me. I know that power has gone out from me.” ⁴⁷ When the woman saw that she couldn’t escape notice, she came trembling and fell before Jesus. In front of everyone, she explained why she had touched him and how she had been immediately healed. ⁴⁸ “Daughter, your faith has healed you,” Jesus said. “Go in peace.” ⁴⁹ While Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the synagogue leader’s house, saying to Jairus, “Your daughter has died. Don’t bother the teacher any longer.” ⁵⁰ When Jesus heard this, he responded, “Don’t be afraid; just keep trusting, and she will be healed.” ⁵¹ When he came to the house, he didn’t allow anyone to enter with him except Peter, John, and James, and the child’s father and mother. ⁵² They were all crying and mourning for her, but Jesus said, “Don’t cry. She isn’t dead. She’s only sleeping.” ⁵³ They laughed at him because they knew she was dead. ⁵⁴ Taking her hand, Jesus called out, “Child, get up.” ⁵⁵ Her life returned and she got up at once. He directed them to give her something to eat. ⁵⁶ Her parents were beside themselves with joy, but he ordered them to tell no one what had happened. 

This was a Divine Interruption. Do you see it? Jesus was on his way to heal a little girl when this woman pushed her way through the crowd to touch his clothes. What's crazy to me is that Jesus FELT her touch, out of the many people that were surrounding him. This tells me that He cares about our concerns and He wants to address them. He didn't just feel the power go out from Him, He stopped and took the time to call out to the woman and bless her. That is a personal God who loves His people if I ever saw one! I believe He stopped for another reason as well. He didn't want to just care for her, He wanted to acknowledge her faith to the crowd surrounding them so they would believe as well.


Then Jesus turns His attention back to what He was on His way to do. But word comes that the little girl has died so Jesus is not needed anymore. This could have been a bad situation for the woman with the blood issue. The crowd could have easily turned on her and blamed her for interrupting Jesus on his way to save the life of a little girl. But Jesus wouldn't let that happen. Jesus can raise people from the dead, don't forget! This proves that the divine interruptions will interrupt our lives, but He won't allow them to change what He is already working toward. 


The interruptions in my life have come at a key time, and I can recognize that now. I am fast approaching a turning point in life when I will need the skills that this interruption has taught me. I have no idea what that turning point is, but I know that it isn't going to be easy. I have been learning patience and gentleness and love. Those are not things that are the most necessary qualities when facing a cake walk! Those are qualities that you need when you are walking into a struggle that will be so worth it!


What is your DIVINE INTERRUPTION? Are you learning from it or fighting it? 

Jesus LOVES me. This I KNOW!

This morning I asked God to give me a verse that I needed to hear today, and He came through in a huge way! Here is the passage He gave me:

"But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you;" Isaiah 43:1-5a

This is definitely something I needed to hear! I am so blessed that God is constantly reminding me of how much He loves me and is taking care of me. The world tries to tell us that we don't matter and we have nothing to offer, so therefore we are useless. But that is not how God feels about us. In fact, the truth is that we are loved individually and personally by the One who created the entire universe and every single thing in it.

We may find ourselves in water over our heads, but God is always with us and protecting us. And we will walk through fire from time to time, but we won't be burned up. We are PRECIOUS to God. How can we ever believe we are useless when God says right here that we are precious to Him? If that doesn't encourage your soul I am not sure what would! If the world tells you that you aren't worth its time, you can look them straight in the eye and say "I don't really care if you think I'm worth your time. I am precious in the eyes of the One who created you. So there!" {Ok maybe something a little more clever than that, but you get the picture!} He has called us BY NAME!! He knows your name! I'm fired up about this!!

For too long I have believed that little nagging whisper in my mind that says that God doesn't actually care about me, because if he did he wouldn't let these things happen to me. That he doesn't love me because he has forgotten me. After reading this passage, how can I deny his love for me? He says it clear as day more than once. If someone tells you something more than once, chances are pretty good that they really mean it!

Begging God to come through

Have you ever been faced with a situation that you felt if God didn't come through you don't know what would happen? Maybe I'm the only one that prays that God will come through in a specific situation, wanting to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that He would show up in a powerful way, but not really being sure of it. I know He is Mighty and Awesome and is able to do things that I could not even fathom in my tiny, finite, emotion-driven brain, but I am also human and believe the lies the devil tells me more often than I would like.

I laid in bed the other night sobbing harder than I have sobbed in a while. Things at home are crazy stressful right now and I have been begging God to come through. Because, if I get really honest right now, if He doesn't come through I don't know what I will do. This change is so connected to who I am and where I believe I am headed that if my bubble is burst I won't know what to do with myself.

I have seen God do big things in my life. I have been encouraged to dream big. But I also know that if I don't trust completely that He will come through I am like a wave tossed by the wind. But how do I trust with my entire being that He will come through in a situation that I have never had to trust Him for before. I have tried to pray and believe in the past, but it didn't happen. And while I can recognize that it was obviously not the right situation and that God has something so much better for me, it doesn't make it any easier. My irrational brain wants to say forget it, I'll handle this one on my own. But I know that is not what following Christ is about. I have to trust Him with everything or nothing. That's how it works.

The thing that I am praying and begging God for is something so near and dear to my heart. It is a bit crazy and some might think it's a bit out there, but I have to believe that God will come through.

I am claiming Psalm 37:4-5 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act."

He promises that when we do what He has called us to do He WILL act!! He WILL give us the desires of our hearts! That promise is everything. He proves to us that He is not just sitting in Heaven watching us suffer and punishing us for our sin, He wants to bless us! How incredible is it that the Creator of the Universe takes the time to bless us all individually in specific ways that will impact us the most.

Growing pains

God has a funny way of teaching. He doesn't do things the way that I would expect most of the time. Sometime that is very stressful for me. I don't want to be taught things and forced to grow, but God continues to stretch and teach me the things that will prepare me to face whatever is coming my way up the path.
Recently my sister went through a divorce and that has resulted in some growing pains for most of my family. She moved back in with us until she can find a house. Not to mention the fact that she brought along 2 very active kiddos with her that only add to the stress and tension that is rising in my household. This morning was yet another strike of pain in my growing process. I am used to getting up and getting in the shower at my convenience, but with 4 adults and 2 children in the house now that doesn't work as well. I woke up late this morning and went upstairs to get in the shower. (Did I mention my sister got my room in the deal and I am sleeping on a mattress on a pull out couch bed frame in the family room?) Alicia was in the shower when I got up there. I was running late and really needed to take a shower, and knowing my sister it was bound to be a ridiculous amount of time before she was done.
I wanted to be mean and tell her to hurry up and get her butt out of MY shower. I wanted to cry out of my sleepy frustration. I wanted to run away from home. But I didn't do any of those things. I laid down on my parents' bed, with my towel as a pillow, and tried to just enjoy the extra few minutes of quiet in my morning. This was just a small interruption. What am I going to do when the big interruptions start? I know they are coming, I just don't know when or how. But I also know why. God is teaching me patience in this crazy situation.

What is God trying to teach you? Maybe it is patience too. Or maybe forgiveness, love, wisdom, joy, peace, faithfulness, or self-control. How are you doing? Are you allowing God to pull and twist you in order to make you the person that He intended you to be or are the growing pains too much for you and? Have you taken heart or given up? 


{{{{Please pray for my family while God is teaching us these painful things. Pray that we learn patience in gracious ways and we will take it in stride and not in strife. Also please pray that Alicia would find a house quickly. She is putting in an offer on one in Waterford and it could mean good things and lots of space. Pray for patience and understanding within the family.}}}}

Steps to change the world

Have you ever come to a place in life where you have only 2 options: walk away or make a change? I am at one of those forks in the road right now and it is not an easy place to be. A big part of me wants nothing more than to walk away and not look back, but I feel like God keeps showing me that is not His desire for me. I have been trying to walk away, even run away at times, but it's just not working! Something just keeps pulling me back to where I don't really want to be. I have no other option but to recognize that it must be a divine intervention in the path of my life. Sometimes God interrupts a life to direct it back to His path when we have strayed.

There is a famous quote that says "Be the change you wish to see in the world" and I have to agree. If you see something that is wrong, don't sit around and complain about it, do something about it!

This is where I'm stuck: what now?
I've made up my mind to change, but how? Where do I start? What can I do to change something that is so much bigger than myself?

This is what I have so far:
• Start small
     No one can change the entire world at one time. Start by changing the things you have control over first, then work from there. Changing one person will eventually spread and grow and begin a revolution. Think dominoes!
• Realize that you have to change yourself before you can hope to change others
     No one is going to take you seriously until you become a role model of change
• Understand that you might ruffle some feathers along the way
     As long as you are going about things in a godly way it will eventually turn around. Don't take things too personally
• Pray
     Pray that God will teach you and guide you and speak through you in all situations, and that He will open doors and bring change in His timing. He is faithful in all things.
• Settle old issues
     It is like trying to roll uphill if you try to change things before resolving things in the past
• Read God's words
     We cannot bring change for God when we don't know what He has to say
• Do everything in humility and love
     The Bible says that if we lack love we are like a resounding gong or smashing symbols. No one listens when they feel threatened or put down.

I will carry you and sustain you

Haven't posted in a while, so I figured now was a good time!

I have been reading through Isaiah lately and it is full to the limit of great stuff! I have learned a lot and have seen God really show up while I have been reading. He even sent me a new friend that brought up Isaiah multiple times while we chatted. I am learning that in order to be in the will of God I need to be seeking God first. Many times I misguidedly pray that God will show me what is next, when I should be spending time with God and watching as things fall into their rightful places.

Looking back on the times when I felt God pushing me toward my next adventure I realize that many times I was not struggling for it or even really looking for it. When I got the opportunity to be an intern at my church, I wasn't trying to manipulate the situation or prove that I was the right person for the job (in fact at one point I was told that I didn't get it) but I just prayed and read and sought God to work out the details and he came through more than I could have expected! (I ended up not only working there for the summer, but for 15 months total!)
And the same thing happened when I landed the job I currently hold. I wasn't really looking for a job, even though I knew I was about to desperately need one. I was at church one week and ran into the wife of one of my pastors. We started chatting about jobs (she knew I was about to not have a job) and she told me to send her my resume because the newspaper she works for may be hiring. A month and 2 interviews later, I was offered the job! And I was only without a job for 2 weeks. I wasn't pursuing, I wasn't stressing, I was just seeking God. 

When we sit at the feet of Jesus, he longs to give us everything that he has to offer. He knows the desires of our hearts better than we do even and he knows when and how each desire will effect us and when is the best time to grant them.

So why do I continue to stress about things? I'm not any better than anyone else, because even though I know this to be true, I don't live like I believe it, like everything depends on it.

This verse reminds me that I do not need to stress because I AM has me taken care of.
I am he, I am  he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. {Isaiah 46:4b}

Getting messy with life

I just read a poem by Ann Keimel-Anderson called "I gave God time" and I really liked it, but there was something that hit me wrong about it. There was a segment that said,

"to long for truth.
no blur. no mist or fog.
to know life in clean, untarnished
terms."

Life would be great without the mist and fog that comes with not knowing what is coming over that hill in the distance, but I don't think I want "to know life in clean, untarnished terms". I believe that life is supposed to be messy. How can you truly know that you are living if you don't get a little messy with it from time to time?

I have never been an overly neat person. As a little kid, my bedroom was usually just short of a disaster. Cleaning was not a priority. I would have much rather been outside playing or helping my dad with his latest car project than clean (as most kids would). My life has always been just a little messy. I hate wearing shoes, so my feet are usually at least a little dirty. My car seats are covered with stuff, which comes in handy when I'm cold and happen to have a hoodie in the backseat! I don't walk straight, literally or figuratively. I change my mind frequently. I can't stick to one thing for a long period of time.

I believe that when life gets messy is when we can truly see God work. If it is completely neat and controlled there is less of a need for a God. It is not always bad to make mistakes and become weak, because the Word says it is when we are weak He can be strong. When we are a mess He can cause things to fall into perfect order. Praise the Lord for that because I am a mess!