Having a blah day

I hope I am not proving how crazy I am by trying to be a little more transparent here. I know I'm nutty, but that's beside the point!

Lately I have been feeling very "blah". You know the feeling, nothing exciting happening in life, feeling tired and weighed down by the stress of the holidays, being broke because of the holidays, etc.

When I was a little girl December was such a magical time. My birthday started things off and then it ended with Christmas and New Years. Back when I believed in Santa and the reindeer and the whole nine yards things seemed so much more wonderful.

This year I officially feel old. I decided that in an attempt to keep the magic of Christmas alive for my niece and nephew I would also have a stuffed stocking waiting for me on Christmas morning. But my parents aren't there to fill it at our house, so I'll buy things to put in it myself. You know you're officially an adult when you have to fill your own stocking. It's a sad realization really. I'm sure that watching the kiddos react to the presents and stockings will inspire some kind of magical revitalization in me on Christmas morning, but for right now I'm struggling to be excited.

That is not the only thing that I'm struggling to get excited about though. I kind of knew that 25 would be a hard birthday. Though I am a year older, I am no nearer to what I thought life would be like at 25 years old. I'm not quite sure what I imagined life would be like, but this is not it!

And to top it all off, I am struggling to raise support for the trip to South Africa. I have less than 1 month before the first deadline and I am still so far away from the financial goal that must be reached in order to buy plane tickets. To say I am freaking out a little would be an understatement. I know that if I am meant to go, God will make a way. But I wonder if I am doing enough, if I'm supposed to be going since it's not looking like He's making a way, or if there is something else that is going on behind the scenes that I am not privy to.

So if you would pray for me I would greatly appreciate it. Here are some specifics:
1. I would need $2500 by Jan. 15 to buy plane tickets and solidify that I am going on the trip
2. My contentment in this weird time period of life while I am being asked to wait
3. My focus on the true reason for this Christmas season instead of looking at finances or impressions
4. For Key of Hope in Durban, South Africa, that they would be able to mend broken hearts and supply for the basic physical as well as spiritual and emotional needs of the children of Durban. (Rachel and Dan Smithers)

Impact

As some of you know, I live with my sister and her two kids. I love my niece and nephew so much and I have really enjoyed living with them the past few months. I wake to the sound of my nephew's feet hitting the floor (literally since his bed is directly above mine) and many nights I get to tuck them in and kiss them good night. It is truly a blessing to be sent out to work with a hug and a kiss from two little ones that love me so much!

These kids are as different as can be. My niece, 7, is loud from the time she wakes up until the time she falls asleep, she has her share of the selfishness of childhood, she is passionate about the things she believes in and determined to live life her way. She is also stubborn like her aunt and creative in everything. She holds a soft spot in my heart because we are kindred spirits. There have been many times when she will be acting up and my mom will look at me, smile, and say "That reminds me of someone else I know." We butt heads because we are both determined to have our way in everything and I love her for it!

And then there is my nephew, 4, who is the most passive, go-with-the-flow kid I know. He is sweet and caring and would do anything for anyone. He also has a bit of a stubborn streak to him and I love it when he plants his feet, crosses his arms and refuses to do something! This happens so rarely that it really is funny when it happens. He was the first boy in my life to capture my heart and when another boy comes along and wants to marry me, he will have a hard time taking this little man's place!

Sometimes I don't think they listen to what I say, but then I hear things that make me realize how much they really do pick up on. They know my favorite candy is smarties. They know that when I'm leaving the house I'm either going to hang out with one particular friend or I'm heading to church. And they know that I am going to love some kids in Africa.

They spent some time with Santa and Mrs. Claus the other day. Santa asked if they had any questions and my niece said "What about the kids in Africa?" Santa looked at their mom confused, likely wondering how a little girl in suburban Michigan would know anything about kids in Africa. That's my girl! She is starting to think beyond herself and her Christmas list. She may not always think about others first, but she knows that her "Yaya" thinks it's important so it must be!

The Tippy Top of the list

A couple days before Christmas my niece called me all excited because Santa had been at the Christmas party she was on her way home from. She said, "Guess what! I saw Santa today and he showed me his good list and guess where I was on the list? I was on the tippy top! I don't really know why because I was kinda bad this year." I love the honesty of a 6 year old! But it got me thinking. That is a lot like how I feel about God's mercy and grace toward me.

I'm kind of bad too, but He still wants to bless me for some reason. I sin daily, but God still cares for me and extends grace to me above and beyond what I would expect. Praise God that He loves me too much to give me what I actually deserve, which is death and eternity in Hell.

2 Peter 1:2 "Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord;"

James 4:6 But he gives us more grace. This is why it says, God stands against the proud, but favors the humble."

Materialism starts early

I am blessed with 2 adorable children in my family, a niece who is 6 and a half going on 20, and a nephew who is content to be 3. They have the same parents and have grown up in the same environment, but they could not be more different!

My niece is very spirited, that's a nice term for her I guess! She is known for her wild hair, loud personality and very specific sense of style. She knows what she likes and what she wants and no one can persuade her otherwise. While this is a challenge for her parents, I know that it will serve her well when she is older. {I am told that she is a lot like I was at that age, and I am a very independent woman, even a little stubborn at times.}

My nephew on the other hand, is a calm and gentle sort of kid. He smiles all the time and has a very easy going personality. He definitely has his own personality, but he shows it in quieter, more subtle ways than his big sister. He also didn't start talking until recently. The way I see it is that he never really felt like he had to. His sister talks for him and gets him everything that he needs, so why exert the effort?

Christmas this year was yet another magnifying glass on their differences. When they got to grandma and grandpa's house in the afternoon my niece went immediately to the Christmas tree and started searching for the gifts with her name on them. My nephew on the other hand, he gave everyone hugs and kisses and would have rather climbed up into grandpa's lap in the big chair and watched TV.

When my niece couldn't be kept from tearing into her presents any longer we all gathered around the tree and started handing out presents, stockings first as always. She went the quickest route and simply dumped her stocking out on the floor to see what she got. He proceeded to pull one thing at a time from his Harley Davidson stocking and examine it, some he brought to me to open for him so he could play with it right then.

When my niece had examined the contents of her stocking she was ready for the other presents, getting visibly irritated when she was told she had to wait for her little brother to be done with his stocking. After he had looked everything over and was ready for the next step we handed each child a gift to open. She ripped the wrapping off and was ready for another present before my nephew even got all the paper off his gift. It didn't take too long before he got distracted by one of the presents in his stocking and was uninterested in opening any of his other presents. My niece however, opened present after present, not even fully comprehending what each one was and was done very quickly. Seeing that her brother still had unopened presents she asked if she could open his too. She was told no, but the idea was not dropped without a fight.

Because her little brother still had unopened presents under the tree, she was convinced that he had gotten more than her and she was instantly devastated.

It amazes me just how early materialism can rear its ugly head in an innocent child's life.

Modern day nativity ends in loony bin stay

I was thinking about the Nativity story today and the impact that it had in that time. From Mary's side, how does a young girl (likely no older than 16) handle the backlash of what being single and pregnant would have been. Joseph would have been completely within the law to stone her to death. I can't even imagine if Joseph had not been the man of faith that he was and had gone through with the stoning, killing the mother of the Son of God. Obviously God would not have allowed that to happen, but it is interesting to think about.

It was not like it is now, when young girls end up pregnant for so many reasons every day. The virgin Mary did not end up pregnant because her high school's sex ed program didn't stress abstinence over safe sex enough, or because she was pressured by the guy she was dating (Joseph?) to prove her love for him, or even because the form of birth control that they were using failed. The Bible says that she had not "known" a man. That means that she was a virgin, through and through. She never asked how far was too far in order to still be considered "pure". No, she pleased the Lord to the point that he entrusted her to carry and care for His Son while on earth.

Our culture today does not understand this. Young girls are trying to please the boys around them, instead of learning to please their Heavenly Father.

Imagine with me here: A young girl in her teens walks into a doctor's office for a check up. She hops up onto the exam table and waits. When the doctor comes in, he asks, "So what are you here for today?" She says, "I'm pregnant!" with a big smile on her face, no trace of shame, "God told me, in a dream, that I would carry His Son and give birth to the Messiah that we have been waiting for." That doctor would not even hesitate before making a phone call and shipping that little girl off to the nearest psych ward.

We don't see miracles like this today, but that doesn't mean that it is not true.