I'm taking the plunge!

If you read my last post you know that I am praying about an opportunity to travel to Durban, South Africa. I never thought I would be the kind of person God would call to the mission field. I went on a short mission trip to NYC a couple years ago. I thought it would be a great idea since it was in the US and not as intimidating. I expected to feed the homeless on the streets of New York and hang out in the Big Apple for a few days. It was so much more than that! I watched God do some incredible things through listening to the stories of the men in the Bowery Mission's discipleship program and watching God provide food for the community. I heard stories of what God was up to and listened to testimonies from people whose lives had been changed in such radical ways that it could only have been by the grace of God.

One of my favorite stories I brought back from that trip was a huge example of God's provision. Certain days the mission goes out into the community and gives groceries to low-income families who would usually be choosing between paying the electricity bill and buying groceries for their family. We helped as the staff and students from the mission loaded up a huge box truck with food. At one point I looked around the store room that had been full of vegetables, fruits, breads, and other various foods and realized we were loading EVERYTHING into the truck.
I was a little concerned, after all the mission still had mouths to feed for lunch and dinner that night, not to mention the days after that. I didn't understand why they would take everything. So I asked! The student I asked just smiled and reassured me that there would be a truck waiting for us to unload when we got back.
We went out and gave away every last bit of that food, including hot stew and bread, and even walked through a nearby park and handed out sandwiches to somewhat skeptical but very appreciative people!
The whole time I was quietly wondering what they were going to manage to feed the people at the mission for dinner that night since we had cleaned them out. I remember riding back to the mission in the back of the truck and almost being crushed by empty crates that were once full of food.
When we pulled up in front of the mission, I climbed out of the truck and was met with an even bigger truck already in the process of unloading food into the mission. Not only did it replace what we had taken earlier, but it far exceeded what had been there before!
Growing up in a middle class family, I never wanted for anything. We always had food in the pantry and new clothes to wear. I had never known God as a provider before that trip. What a great way to see God provide in such a huge way!

I committed to going yesterday, and today am overwhelmed with a mixture of excitement and fear! I am expecting God to show up in huge ways in the course of preparing and going on this trip and I can't wait to tell you all the stories of his provision and unfailing love for me, the rest of the ladies on the trip, and the people of Durban, South Africa!
Please be praying for us in the months to come as we prepare, fund raise and learn to be the hands and feet of Jesus!

Stay tuned for more updates!

I'm frustrated with what we call "church"

I have been in church pretty much every Sunday since I was born. I have gone to different kinds of churches in different places. I have experienced worship and sermons from various people and places. I have gone to camps and conferences and revivals and mission trips. And I spent 15 months as an intern at a church. I guess you could say I have a lot of experience with church. I'm no expert, but I think I can speak from what experience I have had.

About a year ago I found myself serving in ministry 6 out of 7 days most weeks, sometimes more. On top of attending church on Sundays (both services my church offered) I was helping in the nursery, leading a middle school girls' small group, involved in young adult ministry, attending the young adult small group, helping at youth group, serving at the Saturday Night service, and so much more that I can't even begin to list here. At one point I stopped and thought "Why am I doing all of this?" I wasn't doing all these things to worship God or grow closer to Jesus, I was doing them largely due to routine and appearances. I was warn thin and my personal life was beginning to show it. My life was showing signs of unraveling at the seams. After wading through this dilemma within me, I realized that I had to choose between my sanity and the ministries I was serving in. I had to step away from some things I was involved in.

When I began to step away from things there was some tension. People questioned my walk with God. They gossiped about what was wrong with me or how I was living my life. I tried to ignore the things I heard about myself that were not true, but it's not always easy.

Now I am again re-evaluating the ministries I am involved in. There have been things going on that I don't agree with. For the most part they aren't big, ministry ending things, but they are important none the less. There seems to be a huge focus on planning and recognition that I have noticed and a lack of being the hands and feet of Jesus here on earth. We are called to love people, not plan events to get people involved. Follow where the Spirit leads, not forge our own path. Give over control of our lives and our ministries, not be as involved as possible in everything. If we love people, God will bring the increase. And without the love of Christ running through us the people that come to that perfectly planned event will not want to come back. When we follow where the Spirit is leading us, we don't have to go through the hassle of cutting a new path and risk the peril lying ahead. And it is impossible to give 100% when we are trying to divide our time and energy into too many things.

The American church has it all wrong.

I look to the mission fields around the world for the true meaning of what Jesus is all about. They don't have beautiful, clean and fancy church buildings, they take the gospel to the city streets where the homeless need a true Savior. They go to the orphanages where the children need a Father. They give food and clothes and basic necessities to the needy who need to know the Provider. They go to the shut ins and widows who need a Lover. They provide medical care to those who need a Healer.

What are we doing to show the world the Jesus we serve and what He can do? It's not about people knowing our names or a perfectly executed event at church, it's about loving people. Even if it's not the homeless or orphans we can reach, there are still lost and dying people all around us, literally, that need to know Jesus. I want to challenge you to break the mindset of many churches and truly love people the way Jesus did.

Steps to change the world

Have you ever come to a place in life where you have only 2 options: walk away or make a change? I am at one of those forks in the road right now and it is not an easy place to be. A big part of me wants nothing more than to walk away and not look back, but I feel like God keeps showing me that is not His desire for me. I have been trying to walk away, even run away at times, but it's just not working! Something just keeps pulling me back to where I don't really want to be. I have no other option but to recognize that it must be a divine intervention in the path of my life. Sometimes God interrupts a life to direct it back to His path when we have strayed.

There is a famous quote that says "Be the change you wish to see in the world" and I have to agree. If you see something that is wrong, don't sit around and complain about it, do something about it!

This is where I'm stuck: what now?
I've made up my mind to change, but how? Where do I start? What can I do to change something that is so much bigger than myself?

This is what I have so far:
• Start small
     No one can change the entire world at one time. Start by changing the things you have control over first, then work from there. Changing one person will eventually spread and grow and begin a revolution. Think dominoes!
• Realize that you have to change yourself before you can hope to change others
     No one is going to take you seriously until you become a role model of change
• Understand that you might ruffle some feathers along the way
     As long as you are going about things in a godly way it will eventually turn around. Don't take things too personally
• Pray
     Pray that God will teach you and guide you and speak through you in all situations, and that He will open doors and bring change in His timing. He is faithful in all things.
• Settle old issues
     It is like trying to roll uphill if you try to change things before resolving things in the past
• Read God's words
     We cannot bring change for God when we don't know what He has to say
• Do everything in humility and love
     The Bible says that if we lack love we are like a resounding gong or smashing symbols. No one listens when they feel threatened or put down.

The danger zone of service

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. Luke 10:38-->

Most of the time we focus on the fact that Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus in this passage. But I love the contrast between the two women, sisters who are as different as can be. It makes me think of me and my sister. My sister is tall, blonde curly hair, fair skin, and blue eyes. I am short, dark brown straight hair, slightly darker skin and dark hazel eyes. We are very different. Most people don't even think we are related when they see us together. We also think very differently. She is in the moment, free spirited, and a bit air headed at times, whereas I am thinking ahead constantly, more reserved and have my head firmly attached to my shoulders! This is the frame of reference I use when reading this story, they're different but yet somewhat alike. They have the same goal, to serve Jesus, but they go about it completely differently.

Martha wants to care for Jesus and those that were with him by making dinner and meeting their physical needs. I can see Martha in the kitchen chopping vegetables and cooking up a feast for them all, sweat beads on her forehead and her hands working diligently.
Mary, on the other hand, is more interested in sitting and worshiping Jesus, hanging on his every word. She is more focused on the emotional aspect of serving Jesus. She wants to know more about Him and what He is teaching.
Martha gets mad at her sister and comes complaining to Jesus to have Him make her help in the kitchen. Jesus lovingly corrects her and reminds her of the priorities of following Jesus. 

It is also important to remember when looking at this passage to recognize what Jesus said and not look at what may be implied. Jesus says "Mary has chosen the good portion..." He never says that Martha picked the "bad portion" only that Mary picked the "good portion". It's almost like the better of the two. It is important to sit at the feet of Jesus, but there is work to be done too. If we only sit at the feet, nothing will ever get done. There has to be a good balance of the two. The danger zone of serving is where Martha is. The bible says "But Martha was distracted with much serving." She didn't have that balance. She was working her fingers to the bone and forgetting that King of kings was sitting in her living room. It is important to sit and learn from Jesus and then get up and serve. Be with Jesus first and then get out there and do what He is calling you to do for His Kingdom.

Sometimes we are the sowers and sometimes we are the harvesters

Last night at my church's youth group, the youth leader wrapped up his message with an alter call of sorts. He asked that anyone who wanted to know Jesus would come forward so they could pray together. I was slightly amazed at the number of kids that went forward, but as kids were continuing to go forward I began to wonder if they were serious or if they were doing it because of what others thought of them or because that's what they thought they were supposed to do. Looking around at the kids that were left seated it was a mix of church kids that are in service every week with their parents and the anti-conformist kids that only come every week to play basketball.

Talking to a friend and fellow youth leader after, he expressed his shared concern that the kids may not have had the right motives for going forward.

While it may have been a bit frustrating to watch, it made me think back to a principle that I learned in college ministry. I remember the Greek Intervarsity staff worker telling me that we may not get to see the true harvest, but we may be planting a seed that will bloom later in life their lives.

I have seen this echoed so many times in my short life. I have seen sorority sisters come to Christ, a Bible study that I struggled to get started grow and flourish after I graduated, junior high students that I mentored joining the leadership team in their high school years, friends that I loved through their sin and foolishness who are now married to good godly men and serving God together. It has been such a blessing to realize my small part in God's huge plan in the lives of  people around me.

In Galatians 6:7-10 the principle of sowing and reaping is explained:

⁷ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. ⁸ Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. ⁹ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Verse 9 especially gives me hope. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." If we continue to do what we are supposed to be doing and do not give up when it gets hard, we will reap a harvest. God is not promising that we will get to win that certain person to Christ that we have been pouring into for so long, but He promises that we will reap "a" harvest, not necessarily "the" harvest we expect.

Is there someone in your life that you have planted the seed in them and seen someone else reap the harvest? Are you rejoicing in that or feeling bad for yourself for not being a part of the end result?

here goes nothing

I have been toying with the idea of writing a book for quite some time now. But I haven't done it yet. When people ask me why I haven't written it yet I have a variety of excuses that I use, depending on who is asking.

If it's my parents I say, I'm too busy right now. If it's my friends I say, I have had other things on my plate and the idea has been pushing to the back burner. If it's a guy that I am interested in I say, I am not in that headspace any more. If it's someone that has heard me say that I will probably be single until I write this book I say, I haven't had any inspiration.

All of these answers are grounded in some truth. But the whole truth is that I am TERRIFIED to write it! I am terrified that it won't be any good and I'll be mocked relentlessly by the people that I know. I'm terrified that it will be good. I'm terrified to be rejected by countless publishers. I'm terrified of the recognition I could get. Just all around scared!

So maybe I will start out by writing some of my ideas here and get them out of my head and into cyberspace, just to see how they go over.

Blogging always seems like an easier forum to express your innermost thoughts and feelings.

So here goes nothing:

I am a single girl in my 20s, and for the most part I am ok with that label. I definitely have my ups and downs, but I enjoy my life right now. That is not to say that I want to be single my entire life. Actually, I would love to get married, have some kids and be a stay-at-home mom and home school my kids. But for now, I am in the exact place that God wants me and I am trying to embrace that and learn as much as possible while I am here. The way I see it, while I am here I may as well be useful! In order to be useful, I help at my local church as much as possible. I volunteer with the youth group and love on as many middle school and high school kids as possible with the love of Christ. I help in the nursery every week. I am active in the young singles group. And I help with as much as I can. I'm not telling you this to magnify how great I am, just to say that I am a busy girl! And to show you that there are plenty of ways to get involved at church.

I have always felt a little out of place at church though. Don't get me wrong, I love my church and the people there, but church is difficult for singles. For one thing, where do you sit? If your family doesn't attend the same church, or doesn't go at all, things are even more uncomfortable. But if you have a group of equally single friends, that makes things a little easier. And then there are the fears that everyone in the church will recognize that you are all single. There is nothing worse than when the older, happily married women of the church come by during the welcome time and shake your hand with that sympathetic look in their eyes. That is when you know they are racking their brains for some distant nephew or friend of a friend of a friends' son that they can set you up with.

Sometimes I want to scream "I am trying to be content over here and your sympathetic smiles and seemingly kind words of 'I'm sure he's out there sweetie, don't you worry' are making it that much harder!" They have good intentions, but I wish they would stop.

An inspiring blog by a ministry I greatly respect

I often read the Proverbs 31 ministry's blog, and this one caught my attention this morning. I have found myself in the desert of my faith many times and it is difficult and frustrating to get out of it. But when we rely on God we will get to the place that we are promised.

Another passage that I find that correlates with this story and principle is Hebrews 11:8-13.

 ⁸ By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. ⁹ By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. ¹⁰ For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. ¹¹ And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise. ¹² And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.
 ¹³ All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth.

http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2011/12/between-the-promise-and-the-promised-land.html

When everyone's shoes suddenly become very interesting

I know you have seen this happen, and probably done it yourself from time to time. I know that most people have sat in a class that they really didn't want to be in, or at some kind of show that required audience participation, and as soon as the teacher asks a question everyone's eyes suddenly hit the floor. If you don't make eye contact they won't pick you right? I feel like this happens with followers of Christ a lot! I was listening to a podcast recently where a panel of women spoke to a large group of college females. She was talking about her battle to finally get to the place when she could tell God she was going to be okay if she was single for the rest of her life. She said that she was afraid that God would pick her if she volunteered. But if she stared at the floor and didn't make eye contact with God (which you probably can't because I'm pretty sure you would die, or your head would explode or something!) she would be picked for sure and be sentenced to a life of hard singleness.

This is a hard truth that God has been pushing into my consciousness little by little for the past few weeks and if I'm being honest it scares me out of my mind! At one point in my life, I was completely sold out to the idea that I could be content to be single, but I am not sure what happened because I can't get myself back into that headspace for some reason. I see the advantages of being single and being able to serve God in any way that He asks. But my heart yearns for a husband that I can serve along side in ministry. I am afraid to say to God that I volunteer to be single the rest of my life and be content to serve Him alone, but I'm terrified He will take me seriously and actually pick me.

I don't have the answer for this, just something I wanted to get out of the cave that is my brain.