What I learned from a little boy's lunch

This week I had a meeting with the ladies that are on my team for the mission trip to Durban, South Africa. We went over some fund raising information, our time line for meeting financial support goals, and got more information about what we will be doing with our time in that country. Paperwork was passed out, ideas were batted back and forth and responsibilities were volunteered for. All in all it was a productive meeting! Some of that paperwork was a list of how much money we have each received in donations. I'll be honest, I knew how much had been donated already on my behalf, but a little part of me was hoping that God had worked some serious miracles and that there would be a lot more money out of no where! I realize how silly that sounds, but God can do big things and I strongly believe that! But alas, the expected amount was all that was written on my paper.

I'll admit I was not surprised, but a little bummed. I called my mom to talk it through and get that good motherly wisdom that moms apparently inherit when babies grow up, and which I hope I end up with as well someday down the line. Her words of encouragement were simple but so true: "Trust God". Serious wisdom, I know!!

In my human brain I don't understand how God can take the small amount that I have and turn it into the much larger amount that I will need. How can He possibly turn $50 into $2,500 in 2 months? I like things to be logical and easily understood. I like to know how things work and what it will take to make them happen. I'm not very good at this whole faith thing sometimes. Then I let myself believe that my faith must not be solid enough for God to come through and give me a miracle. That notion terrifies me, but I know that it is not true.

While I was talking to my mom about my big dilemma I was reminded of a story in the Bible when Jesus did something huge with something tiny, even when everyone, including his closest friends (the disciples), had little faith.

The story is found in Matthew 14
Please read it on your own, I'm a big proponent of turning the pages of a Bible on your own, but I will give you the run down of it here:
A crowd has gathered to follow Jesus and listen to him teach and perform miracles. It started to get late and the disciples asked Jesus to send the crowd away so they could go buy food in the local villages because they couldn't provide food for them there. There happens to be a little boy among the people (God knew he was there for a reason) who has a lunch with him of 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish to eat. Jesus brings the little boy up, takes his lunch, prays, and distributes the food among the disciples to disperse to the crowd.

I bet they were skeptical. I can imagine the disciples thinking, "There are well over 5,000 people in this crowd and we have 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. Clearly this will not be enough food." I can feel their disbelief, because I have felt it in my own life so clearly, especially the last few days. I have thought "Maybe God doesn't want me to go. Maybe the funds won't come in. I can't even imagine Him being able to make $50 into $2,500 in 2 months."

The best part is the end of the story. Jesus did come through in huge ways. The text says that there were "5,000 men, besides women and children." Let's do a little math. (Mind you I hate math, so it will be simple math!) There are 5,000 men. Let's say for examples sake that every man was married and brought his wife along with him to see Jesus. So that's 10,000 people. Then if each couple had 1 child with them that's 15,000 mouths to feed. But it seems like there were probably quite a few more children in the crowd than that given family sizes in that day. So for arguments sake, let's round up to 20,000 hungry bellies in the crowd. Here's the best part. They ALL ate until they were FULL!! And there were LEFTOVERS!

The moment that I remembered this story I felt God whispering into my heart "If I can feed thousands of people from a little boy's lunch, I can certainly pay for your trip from a $50 donation that was given in faith. He quieted my fears and gave me a little more faith. He can do great things! He can do things that my human brain cannot ever come close to understanding or explaining away with even the best logic. He is Provider. He is Father. He is all that I need. He is all that you need.

God is good, even when I am struggling

Why does it seem like when you set out to do something important you are faced with so many set backs?

I think there are two reasons:
1. The devil knows that you are about to do something amazing and doesn't want you to succeed
2. God is teaching you something

I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to South Africa. I was so pumped! I was ready to conquer the world! I was ready to make a real life impact for the kingdom of God! I was ready to jump on the plane the next day. I wasn't worried about the fact that it's Africa. I didn't mind that it was so far in advance and I have no idea what my life will look like then. And I believed without a doubt that the funding would come in no problem. And then reality set in.

I was shocked when I got my first rejection. I know this is part of the game, but it still stung. But that was nothing compared to the defeat that I have felt in the last few days.

There are so many reasons why I feel this way that I won't get into here, but the basis is that I have allowed my emotions to control my thoughts. And when my emotions control my thoughts, I begin to believe that GOd won't come through. My heart doesn't want to exert the effort to have faith.

Please pray for my unbelief. It is not honoring to God and is really messing with me. I know in my head that if God intends for me to go He will make a way. There is nothing that can stand in the way of His plan. And that He loves me and wants good things for me. But there is a foot long gap between my head and my heart. So now the challenge is to make my heart remember and feel it.

It's frustrating, but even when I am struggling to believe, God does not change. He is still the Lord God Almighty, even when I have doubts. I can neither add nor subtract from the sovereignty of God.

Necklaces for Durban

Have you ever seen a tutorial for how to make beads out of recycled paper? I saw one on Pinterest that looked really cool as a finished product, but the process seemed long and tedious. I wanted a necklace made of recycled paper beads, but I don't have the patience to make my own!

If you are like me, I have something great to show you!

These are necklaces that are made by the women from Durban, South Africa in squatter camps that we will be going to work with. All of the beads are hand made out of recycled paper. I am helping to sell these to raise money for the mission trip.

They are $10 each. If you are in the Clarkston, MI area and would like one please let me know!

The money not only helps me and the other women that are going on the trip, but the money will go to help the women in Durban. This is their livelihood. This is how they feed their families.

Blessings

I am such a blessed girl!



At a bonfire last night, a friend tried to sneak this into my purse. I unknowingly foiled her plan by bringing only my phone in the back pocket of my jeans! So she just handed the envelope to me and told me to open it later. I was so conscious of this envelope in my pocket the rest of the night.

I am terrible at waiting, so I opened it on my way to the car!

Inside I found this note and a few bills folded up together. To be honest, I didn't even look at the amount of money until today, I just read the note and my eyes filled up with tears, and I jumped up and down in the parking lot for a few minutes.

She gets it. We have been friends for most of our lives and God has lined up so many things for us over the years, but especially lately. I am so thankful for a soul sister that gets me!

She blesses me so much. It blesses me to know that there are people who believe in my dreams, no matter how big or small they may be!

This is what faith is made of

Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things we hope for, being the proof of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].

But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him [out].

[Urged on] by faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed and went forth to a place which he was destined to receive as an inheritance; and he went, although he did not know or trouble his mind about where he was to go... For he was [waiting expectantly and confidently] looking forward to the city which has fixed and firm foundations, whose Architect and Builder is God. Because of faith also Sarah herself received physical power to conceive a child, even when she was long past the age for it, because she considered [God] Who had given her the promise to be reliable and trustworthy and true to His word.

If they had been thinking with [homesick] remembrance of that country from which they were emigrants, they would have found constant opportunity to return to it. But the truth is that they were yearning for and aspiring to a better and more desirable country, that is, a heavenly [one]. For that reason God is not ashamed to be called their God [even to be surnamed their God - the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob], for He has prepared a city for them.
{Hebrews 11:16, 8, 10-11, 15-16}

These verses really make me stop and think about the substance of my faith. Would I have enough faith to do the things that are spread out so wonderfully in Hebrews 11? 

Sometimes I foolishly start to think that I am starting to get a handle on this whole faith thing. I think I am doing well and can trust God with the things in my life. And then I find myself face to face with something that takes real faith. Not just a faith that I'll have enough money to spread out until my next pay day. Not just a faith that God will protect me as I merge into traffic. Not just a faith that God will give me the desires of my heart. It's something that takes bold faith. Faith that will not back down when things aren't going my way. A faith that transcends what people so or what they might think about me.

What will you be faithful in today?

So grateful

Here is more information about my trip, what we will be doing while there, and some specifics of how to support me if you feel so led. As usual, no pressure. I just want to give those who are interested the ability to do so. 

As you may have heard, Durban, South Africa has one of the highest numbers of AIDS cases in the world; it’s a place where more than 35 people die of AIDS every hour. This horrific epidemic leaves behind 3 to 6 million orphans. Can you envision a land where one in every five children is HIV positive? We are making the trip to Key of Hope, an organization that is working in Durban giving the children of this epidemic hope, by spreading the Gospel and providing food, medicine, and education for the underprivileged.

The date of the trip is July 25th through August 3rd, 2013, at an approximate cost of $4000. I am personally excited about the opportunity to serve and to minister and would be thrilled if you would partner with me. You will receive regular updates and pictures of all that God accomplishes before, during and after the trip.

If you are unable to give financially, remember your prayers are equally as important as I
begin to plan my trip with the team. I am confident that if it is the Lord’s will that I make this trip; then He will provide a way.

While in South Africa, I will have the opportunity to:

• Work in squatter camps bringing the life changing love of God through Gospel teaching, music and sports programs
• Build daycare shelters in the camps giving the children a safe environment as they receive the resources and training through Key of Hope
• Be changed myself as we spend time ministering to children that have much less than myself

If you are interested in helping, please send in your check payable to The River Church, 8393
East Holly Rd. Holly, MI. 48442 (Please note “Durban” along with my name "Ashley Young" in the
memo line).

Thank you all so much for even reading this blog. I understand that money is tight for many people and being asked to give can be a burden. All I ask is that you consider it. If you cannot give, I completely understand! Just your prayers and encouragement are greatly appreciated.

I don't like math!

Math was never my favorite subject. I barely passed it in high school. Had to take it more than once in college. And avoid doing mental math as much as possible. I have a friend who loves math, and I just don't understand the appeal!

The same is true when it comes to raising money for a mission trip.

My first financial deadline for the trip is January 15. I have to have $2,500 by then. Considering that it is only September, that deadline didn't really scare me too much. January seems so far away. By then we will have trick or treated, stuffed ourselves on turkey, celebrated my 25th birthday, celebrated the birth of Jesus, will ring in a new year, and I will have been reunited with a great friend in the south! There seems to be so much time.

And then my sister did the math for me... "that means you need $500 a month if you start right now." Isn't she so helpful... $2,500 five months from now sounds a lot more doable than $500 a month starting now. That number scares me! I know that I have a God who is a provider. I know that he will come through some how. But my finite, human brain cannot fathom that working out.

Please know that this post was not meant to guilt anyone into donating money to my trip. If you feel, after much prayer and consideration, that God is telling you to do that I would be so grateful. However, this post was only meant to document my humanity in contrast to God's sovereignty in all things.

So all I will ask is that you pray. Pray that God will come through and be everything that he promises to be. Pray that the people who are meant to give will listen to God speaking in their life and be obedient. Pray that I would find peace in knowing that the Creator of the entire universe has me in the palm of his hand.

Freaking out a little!

                                         This is where I am going to be!

Why is it that you can be so excited about something one day and then the next day have such doubts? It's like an extreme case of shopper's remorse or something. There is something about sleeping on a decision that can change your perspective.

On Wednesday I was so pumped about going to South Africa. I was thinking about how awesome it will be to play with orphans and help build daycare centers for them to be able to go and learn about Jesus in a safe atmosphere. I couldn't wait to fast forward to July and experience stepping off the plane in Durban, South Africa. Setting my foot on a new continent. I was longing for that big adventure with Jesus.

Today is Friday and I am freaking out! I am still excited to go, but I think the reality sunk in a bit more. There are so many things that are uncertain and out of my control. I'm nervous about raising enough money. I'm nervous about shots and passports and illness. I'm nervous that I somehow made the wrong decision.

There are so many things that I can't predict, and that scares me. I believe that God called me. And I know that if he called me then he will make a way for me to go. And whatever happens is in his hands and I can't do anything to help or hinder that aside from just hiding under the covers of my bed and refusing to accept it.

There is only one thing that I can do, pray. I can talk to the creator of the universe, the one who loves those orphans and widows and hurting people more than I can ever hope to. I can beg and plead for the Jesus that I have known since I was a little girl to become more real to me than he ever has been before. And he hears me. That is the wonderful part! Even when I am uncertain and struggling to string together words that make any sense, he hears me. He knows my heart. And you know what else is great? He knows what I will encounter in my journey to South Africa because he has gone before me. He knows the number of hairs on my head and the number of my days. He knows every thought that I will ever think and where my life will be in 5, 10, even 50 years! I don't have to worry about the financial aspect of things. As long as I am being faithful in the things that God has given into my care he will provide the rest.

Even just verbalizing these fears and anxieties has helped immensely to ease my nerves. I know that God's got this! 

Please be in prayer for our trip. I know it is still months away, but the more prayer the better, right? Pray for God to prepare the hearts of the team that is going that their motives would be pure and their faith would be strengthened. Pray for Dan and Rachel Smithers and their children living in Durban and started Key of Hope. Pray for all of our fund raising efforts. And most of all please pray that the people in the squatter villages we will be working with will come to know Jesus!

Check out the Key of Hope website at keyofhope.org if you're curious about what all this is about.


Here are some pictures from the website so you can get a glimpse of the things this ministry is already doing there!

I'm taking the plunge!

If you read my last post you know that I am praying about an opportunity to travel to Durban, South Africa. I never thought I would be the kind of person God would call to the mission field. I went on a short mission trip to NYC a couple years ago. I thought it would be a great idea since it was in the US and not as intimidating. I expected to feed the homeless on the streets of New York and hang out in the Big Apple for a few days. It was so much more than that! I watched God do some incredible things through listening to the stories of the men in the Bowery Mission's discipleship program and watching God provide food for the community. I heard stories of what God was up to and listened to testimonies from people whose lives had been changed in such radical ways that it could only have been by the grace of God.

One of my favorite stories I brought back from that trip was a huge example of God's provision. Certain days the mission goes out into the community and gives groceries to low-income families who would usually be choosing between paying the electricity bill and buying groceries for their family. We helped as the staff and students from the mission loaded up a huge box truck with food. At one point I looked around the store room that had been full of vegetables, fruits, breads, and other various foods and realized we were loading EVERYTHING into the truck.
I was a little concerned, after all the mission still had mouths to feed for lunch and dinner that night, not to mention the days after that. I didn't understand why they would take everything. So I asked! The student I asked just smiled and reassured me that there would be a truck waiting for us to unload when we got back.
We went out and gave away every last bit of that food, including hot stew and bread, and even walked through a nearby park and handed out sandwiches to somewhat skeptical but very appreciative people!
The whole time I was quietly wondering what they were going to manage to feed the people at the mission for dinner that night since we had cleaned them out. I remember riding back to the mission in the back of the truck and almost being crushed by empty crates that were once full of food.
When we pulled up in front of the mission, I climbed out of the truck and was met with an even bigger truck already in the process of unloading food into the mission. Not only did it replace what we had taken earlier, but it far exceeded what had been there before!
Growing up in a middle class family, I never wanted for anything. We always had food in the pantry and new clothes to wear. I had never known God as a provider before that trip. What a great way to see God provide in such a huge way!

I committed to going yesterday, and today am overwhelmed with a mixture of excitement and fear! I am expecting God to show up in huge ways in the course of preparing and going on this trip and I can't wait to tell you all the stories of his provision and unfailing love for me, the rest of the ladies on the trip, and the people of Durban, South Africa!
Please be praying for us in the months to come as we prepare, fund raise and learn to be the hands and feet of Jesus!

Stay tuned for more updates!