I'm selfish

Sometimes I am shamefully unaware of how selfish I am.

I like to think that I am usually pretty conscious of people and do my best to offer what I can to those in need. I try to pay attention to what is going on in people's lives and reach out when they need a friend. I realized this weekend how much I fail in that area. It's not a fun realization to have, but it is so necessary.

On Friday I went to a young adult event. I haven't been there in a long time, but a friend asked me to go with her so I said yes. I know a lot of the people that were there, but was sticking with a few people that I am closest to. Out of nowhere I walked by a girl that I have only met a few times who was sitting alone at a table. There were other people at the table, but each was engrossed in their own separate conversations. I was on my way to check out the food selection when God sort of tapped me on the shoulder and told me to sit down next to her.

I'm a friendly person, so this isn't uncommon for me to do, but I really wanted to get something to eat, and I had been following a friend over to the food table. I didn't really want to abandon her and sit down and strike up a conversation with someone I barely knew. But I did it anyway. And I am so glad I did!
She expressed to me how out of place and unwanted she felt. I could see her frustration and anxiety over the whole situation and I was immediately so grateful I had listened when God told me she needed a friend. She was telling me things that I, myself feel on a regular basis, and I wish someone would sit down next to me and just listen and encourage me.

I didn't want to put my desires on the back burner. I wanted to get a plate of food and sit down with a group of my close friends and not have to try. Not have to struggle to come up with something to say when I feel uncomfortable. Not have to step out of my comfort zone. Not have to feel burdened for someone else. Not have to feel the weight of her anxiety. Listening to God's gentle nudgings doesn't always sound appealing, but they are always used by God to do great things.

The girl I had sat down with later came and sat with me during worship and the service. I know that I didn't do anything extraordinary, I just listened when God said someone needed someone to care about them right then. But what about the times that I don't listen? Who have I refused to care about because my desires or needs were more important than theirs? What could have been accomplished if I had simply sat down next to someone who needed a friend for a few minutes?

Blessings

I am such a blessed girl!



At a bonfire last night, a friend tried to sneak this into my purse. I unknowingly foiled her plan by bringing only my phone in the back pocket of my jeans! So she just handed the envelope to me and told me to open it later. I was so conscious of this envelope in my pocket the rest of the night.

I am terrible at waiting, so I opened it on my way to the car!

Inside I found this note and a few bills folded up together. To be honest, I didn't even look at the amount of money until today, I just read the note and my eyes filled up with tears, and I jumped up and down in the parking lot for a few minutes.

She gets it. We have been friends for most of our lives and God has lined up so many things for us over the years, but especially lately. I am so thankful for a soul sister that gets me!

She blesses me so much. It blesses me to know that there are people who believe in my dreams, no matter how big or small they may be!

I am one very blessed girl

Lately I have been learning a lot about God's unfailing love. I have been finding myself reading in Psalms quite a bit in the last few weeks. It is not an uncommon book for me to be in, but usually I have reading ADD and jump around and never really notice a common theme throughout my readings. God opened my eyes the last few weeks to the presence of his unfailing love for me (and for everyone). It seemed like everywhere I read, there it was. I love it when God does that! Not only has he been teaching me about it in his word, but in my life as well. I am so blessed and so often I don't even realize it.

This morning I had a huge blessing from God. This summer I have been wanting to go explore and travel more. I haven't gone on many vacations since I was in high school, with the exception of a mission trip and a few trips to Atlanta for a conference. Those aren't really vacations though. A vacation, to me, is relaxing and getting to do things on your own terms and see things you haven't seen before. God gave me a friend who has the same desire to travel, but I never realized it until this summer! Praise God for friends!!

This morning my friend and I bought tickets to fly into a city, spend the day, and fly home that night for $71.63! I couldn't even believe my eyes when I went to the website to buy the tickets! We were planning on driving there for the day to save some money, but the cost of gas alone would have been at least $60 for each of us, and parking in the city would have been ridiculous too! We will spend 12 hours in the city wandering and seeing the sights on the first day of fall!

I can't think of a better way to spend the day than with one of my closest friends in a city I love on the first day of our favorite season! We are so blessed!!

I also noticed while I was buying the tickets that the next cheapest flights were over $100 and heard that going later into the year, was over $200. God is so good to us! His unfailing love for us is unimaginable.

Here are a few references to the unfailing love that I have been shown lately:

Psalm 31:7
Psalm 31:16
Psalm 32:10
Psalm 33:4-5
Psalm 33:18-19
Psalm 33:22
Psalm 36:7
Psalm 52:8b
Psalm 89:1-2
Psalm 147:10-11
1 John 3:16, 18
Lamentations 3:31-33
Jeremiah 31:3-4

God loves you and me so much that he wants to bless us with the things that we desire most.
What has God blessed you with lately?

Just one

I am so blessed by the people in my life over and over again and for new reasons every day!

Recently I have been begging God for "a person." Someone that was headed the same direction that I am and that I can open up to about what He is doing in my life and not feel judged. God always surprises me in the most interesting ways!

I recently had dinner with a friend that I have known basically all of my life. We have gone through strange spurts in our friendship, but have always kept in touch. (I never thought I would be so close to someone that told me one of their goals in life was to read through the dictionary!)

She has been my sounding board, my shoulder, my inspiration and also my truth giver on so many occasions and I am so thankful for it. I think we balance each other out quite nicely too. She is eccentric and artistic, and all the things that I am not.

While sitting at dinner, Bible out, talking freely about the things of God and the Holy Spirit, something unexpected hit me. She was the "person" I had been praying for. I had over-looked her somehow. I had taken our strange friendship for granted.

I have never been someone who had a ton of friends. Honestly, in high school and much of college I kind of felt like a loner. I am not overly talkative in groups and tend to prefer the back of the room to front and center, so I am pretty used to doing things on my own. Recently I have gone through a major fluctuation of relationships in my life from being in the center of the group to on the outskirts again and it was a bit unnerving. I was broken about it and was crying out to God to just send me one person. He definitely came through for me!