Praise Him in the hallway

Sometimes things don't turn out the way we plan or the way we would like them to. And that is okay.

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

This is a concept that I am trying to put into practice in my own life. I am the type of person who gets bored very quickly. I need a challenge and if I don't have it or if I get too complacent with something, I'm ready to head out on the next adventure. So many people have said, right now in my life is the best time for me to go out and do things, see things and explore before a husband, house, or babies tether me down. That is something I want to do. I want to travel. I want to do things that I will only be able to do easily in this period of life. I want to meet new people and go on solo adventures.

These things are not happening for me right now and I am frustrated to say the least.

Recently I thought one adventure was coming to a close. It's the kind of closing that most people dread, but I was hoping for it. I knew it would free me and force me out of the comfort zone I have been living in for about 2 years now.

But it didn't close.

Anyone else would have been thankful. I was pretty bummed. I hoped it would be my golden opportunity to take a risk and make a big life move, but that is not in the plans right now I guess.

I have to come to terms with the fact that my plans are not God's plans. No matter how well planned out my plans might be, I am not in control. Most days it is a comfort to know that I am not in control, but lately it has felt more like a burden than a blessing. I find myself striving in vain for some kind of control in my life.

I heard a quote (I don't know where it came from exactly) that said "If God doesn't open another door, praise Him in the hallway. I feel like that's where I'm living. It seems like I have been camped out in the hallway of life for a very long time now, just waiting for a door to open, even just a crack. I don't know what that door will lead to, but I have to believe that when it is the right time, a door will open.

So every time I walk down the hallway that leads to my bedroom I think to myself, "Praise Him in the hallway. Praise Him in the hallway. Praise Him in the hallway." It's a little mantra I have started in my head.

"To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue." Proverbs 16:1

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"If men devise their way, so as to make God’s glory their end and his will their rule, they may expect that he will direct their steps by his Spirit and grace, so that they shall not miss their way nor come short of their end. But let men devise their worldly affairs ever so politely, and with ever so great a probability of success, yet God has the ordering of the event, and sometimes directs their steps to that which they least intended. The design of this is to teach us to say, If the Lord will, we shall live and do this or that (Jam. 4:14, Jam. 4:15), and to have our eye to God, not only in the great turns of our lives, but in every step we take. Lord, direct my way, 1 Th. 3:11." Matthew Henry Commentary of Prov. 16:9

Let your heart take courage

Psalm 27:14 says: "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

My niece often asks me why there are sticky notes on my nightstand, on the back of my chair, sometimes stuck to the back of my cellphone, and on my bathroom mirror. While her bedroom walls are lined with posters of Justin Beiber and a sign that says "no boys alowd", mine are plastered with words of encouragement, sticky notes with important verses, quotes from my favorite people and lines of poetry or lines from my favorite books. I love words. Ever since I was reading Beverly Cleary and JK Rowling I have always found written words to be more powerful than spoken words. I tried to explain to her that they were important words that I like to be reminded of whenever I look around, but I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm a little crazy!

Psalm 27:14 is written on a sticky note on my nightstand. Every night I plug in my phone to charge and read these words before I lay my phone on the sticky note for the night. And every morning when my alarm goes off and I am blindly reaching for the snooze button, my fingers run across the green note and I am reminded to wait on the Lord.

Waiting is really hard!

If I went back through my past blog posts and tried to find a common theme, I would be willing to bet it would be the concept of waiting on the Lord. Sometimes I think that this period of my life is the only time I will have to "wait", but life is all about waiting on the Lord. In high school, I was waiting and biding my time wishing I was in college. In college I was waiting for adulthood. And now I wait for a husband or whatever God may have lined up next. And I can imagine that as I progress through the years to come I will again be asked to wait. I will wait for the right time to have children. I will wait for them to be old enough to start school. I will wait for their marriages. I will wait for retirement. And I could go on.

In the last few months I have been praying for God to reveal what it is I'm supposed to be doing now, because I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for life to begin. I want to learn, I want to grow, I want to experience all that my life has to offer me, but I feel stuck. Where am I supposed to be in life? I worry that I am missing it, overlooking something that God is pushing me toward. But I had a revelation this morning as my eyes wandered to that sticky note on my nightstand. What if I am so busy worrying about what is to come, or what I'm supposed to be doing, that I am missing out on what He is actually trying to teach me: TO WAIT!

I looked up the word "wait" in the dictionary (because I love to know exactly what words mean!) and found a few different definitions that I don't usually associate with waiting.

to be available or in readiness; to look forward to eagerly

I usually think about waiting in terms of being inactive or neglected in some way. But if I redefine waiting, I can see that an army is trained and ready to spring into action at any time, but until they are needed, they wait, they continue to train and get stronger in the process of waiting. People wait eagerly and passionately, clearing the way for whatever it is they are expecting. 

From now on, I want to learn to actively wait. I want to wait in readiness of whatever it is God is preparing. I want to use this time to strengthen myself, using the challenge of learning to wait patiently as a stepping stone to a great future that is ahead of me. I will remember that waiting is an essential part of life, because if we all got exactly what we wanted at the exact moment we first began to want it, we would be like a spoiled child who has never learned what it takes to survive this life. 

The name of the game is WAITING and I am learning to embrace it. 

Light at the end of this tunnel

As you know, I have been in a serious funk lately. So many dreams that I have been dreaming for years are either being taken away completely or are feeling less and less likely. I have felt like God has forgotten me lately.

I am usually a pretty happy person. My life has never been easy, but through it I have learned to be joyful in spite of my troubles. The last couple weeks that joy was gone and I couldn't seem to find it again. I knew it was my fault, but I could not drag myself out of this funk.

A friend and I have been talking and praying about starting a get together of sorts for girls like us, stuck in this weird mid-20s and single phase of life. She was optimistic, and I was cynical. Those are usually our roles, we balance each other out I suppose! Last week was the first week of this thing, and it was only her and I. I became more cynical, and she prayed harder. I felt let down and frustrated with everything in life, so I found myself dwelling on that, instead of doing the only thing that I could do, pray. I had resigned myself to it just being the 2 of us. I love her dearly, but I wanted to reach more people.


Last night was the second night. Our party of 2 became a party of 3! It was great. We shared and got to know one another. We laughed and cried. We shared our hearts, our hurts and our hope for the future. It was great!

Today, I feel a little more like my usually self! I have a spring in my step and a new assurance that the light at the end of the tunnel that I see is probably not a train!

Relinquishing a dream

A few months ago, on what seemed like a whim, I signed up to go on a mission trip to Durban, South Africa after hearing a friend and mentor share about it. I was fired up about it. I couldn't wait to get on the plane. I just knew that God would provide and I wouldn't have to worry about the $4,000 that it would cost. I helped out at fundraisers, I sent out support letters, I prayed and got more excited with others going on the trip.

Then, about 2 weeks ago, reality hit. I was still very far from my monetary goal and the deadline was approaching at lightning speed. $2,500 is due today and I am nowhere near that amount. Last week I was told that I had only received $200 in funding. I don't know about you, but I don't have $2,300 laying around to pay for the rest of the trip.

So today, with a heavy heart, and only $225, I trust that God has a different plan. I won't be going to Durban in July, but he has a plan.

A little part of me, actually quite a large part of me, feels so let down, frustrated and like I failed. Today will be a rough day, I am sure.

I can't explain what happened or why God chose not to come through. All I can do is believe that my God is bigger than I can imagine and he has a different plan for me. I am letting go of this dream and holding on to Jesus. It is the only option I have.

Since I love lists, I will close with a list of things that are helping me today:

1. God is good, no matter my circumstances, no matter my "feelings"
2. I don't understand His plan, and I don't have to (though this freaks me out most of the time!)
3. I don't know what the next 6 months holds for me, but God does, and if Africa isn't part of it I have to believe that there is a reason for that
4. God doesn't need me to fulfill His will, and if I am willing to go whenever He calls, then He will use me in the right situation when it comes up
5. I will be ok. I may be frustrated and let down, but I will be ok if I rest in Him

6.5 minutes of wisdom

I have 6.5 minutes to write something profound to you. Something to encourage you. Something to help you realize that there is more to life than what we have made it out to be. So here goes:

1. Make room in your schedule to just be alone with no plan. The most amazing things come from time that begs you to use it however you want.

2. There are people around you every day that need what you have. Don't hold back. Share your heart, your gifts, and your time with people.

3. Find a style of fashion, writing, reading, creating, whatever suits you, that, well, suits you! Who cares if other people think it's ridiculous. They don't have to live your life.

4. Spend more time with the children in your life than adults. Children have the best perspective on life because the world hasn't made them skeptical and calloused yet.

5. Some nights it's okay to go to bed early and some nights it's better to stay out until the crack of dawn. Just choose wisely so you don't waste your late nights with nothing to show for them.

6. You are enough. Don't let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.

7. Sometimes the best way to get over something is to knock it down and jump on it a few times! {Note: this does not refer to people!}

There you have it! Seven things that I came up with in less than 7 minutes! Time to go!
Enjoy today while it lasts!

I am one very blessed girl

Lately I have been learning a lot about God's unfailing love. I have been finding myself reading in Psalms quite a bit in the last few weeks. It is not an uncommon book for me to be in, but usually I have reading ADD and jump around and never really notice a common theme throughout my readings. God opened my eyes the last few weeks to the presence of his unfailing love for me (and for everyone). It seemed like everywhere I read, there it was. I love it when God does that! Not only has he been teaching me about it in his word, but in my life as well. I am so blessed and so often I don't even realize it.

This morning I had a huge blessing from God. This summer I have been wanting to go explore and travel more. I haven't gone on many vacations since I was in high school, with the exception of a mission trip and a few trips to Atlanta for a conference. Those aren't really vacations though. A vacation, to me, is relaxing and getting to do things on your own terms and see things you haven't seen before. God gave me a friend who has the same desire to travel, but I never realized it until this summer! Praise God for friends!!

This morning my friend and I bought tickets to fly into a city, spend the day, and fly home that night for $71.63! I couldn't even believe my eyes when I went to the website to buy the tickets! We were planning on driving there for the day to save some money, but the cost of gas alone would have been at least $60 for each of us, and parking in the city would have been ridiculous too! We will spend 12 hours in the city wandering and seeing the sights on the first day of fall!

I can't think of a better way to spend the day than with one of my closest friends in a city I love on the first day of our favorite season! We are so blessed!!

I also noticed while I was buying the tickets that the next cheapest flights were over $100 and heard that going later into the year, was over $200. God is so good to us! His unfailing love for us is unimaginable.

Here are a few references to the unfailing love that I have been shown lately:

Psalm 31:7
Psalm 31:16
Psalm 32:10
Psalm 33:4-5
Psalm 33:18-19
Psalm 33:22
Psalm 36:7
Psalm 52:8b
Psalm 89:1-2
Psalm 147:10-11
1 John 3:16, 18
Lamentations 3:31-33
Jeremiah 31:3-4

God loves you and me so much that he wants to bless us with the things that we desire most.
What has God blessed you with lately?

A thankful heart

All too often I find myself spiraling downward into cynicism and a poor me attitude. I can feel that starting inside me lately. There are plenty of things in my life that I can find to complain about and spend my time upset or worrying about, but is that the best use of my time? Jesus died for me, shouldn't that count for something in my every day life. I think many times I have the mindset that what Jesus did when he died on the cross only impacts my eternity, the time after I die or Jesus returns, but that is so far off the mark! What he did should impact my every waking hour. I am so thankful for his love and mercy for me that changed my world forever and I don't want to sit around and complain about my life, I want to live a thankful life.
So I have compiled a list of things just today that I am thankful for.

Today I am thankful for:

1. The beautiful morning this morning
2. The rain that our ground so desperately needed
3. God's provision in giving us a house to live in
4. An old friend buying me dinner last week
5. My niece and nephew
6. My parents ability and willingness to help out as much as they are needed
7. An understanding boss
8. Free concert tickets
9. Old friends who are closer now than ever before
10. Long distance friends who are missed
11. Money to buy a little espresso pick-me-up this morning
12. The ability to work more hours
13. Friends lives that prove love is still possible
14. Ability to write this blog while at work
15. A church family who cares about me


What do you have to be thankful for? When you actually take the time to write out your thankfulness it makes you realize how blessed you really are!

Dreams

Let me start out by saying that I really do like my job! I know that God has placed me here for this time in my life and I am so thankful for it! However, I woke up earlier than necessary this morning dreading going to work. It is not the first time either. I know part of it is that I am not a morning person, so getting up early enough to be showered and ready to work at 8 am is not appealing to me at all, but that is not the only reason.

I enjoy what I do most days, but I sit at a computer in a cubicle and don't have much interaction with any people except the customers that call to complain. {And God has blessed me with this weird ability to talk to people who are upset that I didn't know I had until this job!} But I was not built to sit here and answer the phone and do mindless tasks for the rest of my life. I know that I am here for a reason in this time of my life, but I find myself praying more and more that this time would be ending soon and I will be able to become what I was built for very soon.

I believe that God gives us dreams so we won't get stuck in a rut with where He has asked us to be right now. He wants us to know that there is something ahead of us so we don't get too caught up in where we are now. I have big dreams! They terrify me most days because I know that I cannot accomplish these dreams in my own power and I don't like that! I like to be in control of things, or at least feel like I am in control. But with God leading my life, I don't have control and honestly I don't want to have control. If I had control of the direction of my life I would have messed it up big time already. But I have a God who wants to unfold His plan for me at opportune times so I have the courage to stick out today and the excitement to seek out what tomorrow will bring.

As much as I want my dreams to come true right now, I know that it is not possible right now and I am ok with that. I would love to have them come true in the next 11 months, but I will wait as long as it takes for the divine plan to fall together for me. I would rather wait for 100 years for what is right for me than to have something good enough right now.

What dreams has God given you? Are you strong enough to hold on until they come true?

I believe in fairytales

As a little girl I loved fairytales! (Let's be honest I still love fairytales!!) I believed as a child that fairytales came true for us. I wanted the fairytale life. I wanted to live happily-ever-after! But over time, life began to teach me that those were just for the imaginations of children and not real life. I learned that there was no such thing as "happily-ever-after" but only miserable-ever-after or divorce. I saw these trends repeated over and over again in the lives of the people closest to me. And I began to think that there was something wrong with me for still wanting that dream life, so I gave up on it. I allowed the world to form my opinions on love and marriage. I began to believe that marriages rarely work out, and that it is just better not to get married. I sometimes even found myself thinking sarcastically that marriage was the last legal form of slavery. But those are big fat lies from the devil!!! He wants us to give up on our dreams. He wants us to throw away God's perfect plans for marriage and love.

 In studying God's word, I have been reminded that we are a broken, mess of a people. It began in the Garden of Eden and has carried on since then. God designed marriage to last. It is a picture of Jesus' love for the church and His commitment to all believers. That kind of love and commitment is not something that should end or be contingent on feelings

Don't get me wrong, I know very little about actually being married. I have never even been in a serious dating relationship, let alone married. But I have read what God says about it, and He is never wrong! Too many people live based on their emotions and how they feel about something. That is not healthy. If I based all of my decisions on how I felt, I wouldn't go to work most days, I would eat everything in site, and I would say everything that came to mind regardless of how it makes others feel. I don't want to love people most of the time, but I know that is what I am called to do. I don't want to get up early and drive to work to sit in a cubicle, but I have to. I don't want to filter what I say, especially when I am mad and want to tell someone off, but I have to.
I can imagine that most days in a marriage you are asked to love someone that you may not feel like loving that day for whatever reason. But you have to choose to do what is right. 

So I want to let you all know that I 100% believe that fairytales are possible! I believe that if I wait on God and the man that He has for me, I will have a God-honoring happily-ever-after. There will most certainly be hardships and trials to overcome, but it will be worth it!
When life has given us every reason to become callous toward love and marriage, wait for God's perfect plan and prove the world wrong!

Why don't we pray?

When you read the title of this post you probably thought one of two things: "I do pray thank you very much" or "Because it is useless". If the latter I am sorry that the world has caused you to doubt the serious amount of power you have when you pray to the Creator of the universe. When we pray we have the ability to change situations (ask Moses about the time God wanted to destroy the rebellious Israelites and Moses interceded for them in prayer), the power to stop the rain for years, the power to make the sun stand still, and the privilege of sharing our blessings and our pains with a God who cares what is going on in our daily lives. Those are some serious results from something as simple as having a conversation with the One who hears every word we say.

Maybe it's not just why don't we pray, but why don't we pray like we are speaking to the only One who can change our circumstances, the only One who has power over what is happening, the only One who cares enough to take our prayers into consideration?

This is a new concept in my own life as well. There are things that I want more than anything else in the world, but I am too afraid, too timid, too scared to seem desperate to ask God for what I want and need.

Here is an example: most of my life I have wanted one thing, to be the wife of an amazing, God-fearing man, but it wasn't until just recently that I started praying for him. Now I find myself praying for him as I drift off to sleep, while I'm driving to work, and so many other places. I do a lot of praying for the man he is becoming, but also for where ever he is at that moment and that what he is doing is honoring God.

I think it is important to be praying for him, and I hope he is praying for me too. But I have noticed that in my church, and probably a lot of churches across the country, praying for your future spouse has become of sign of desperation or weakness. Whether we realize it or not, the feminist, women are equals and independent, attitude have seeped into the church. I'm not saying that being independent is necessarily bad, but I see it as the reason people are marrying later in life, divorces happen more and more frequently and there has even been a rise in women abandoning their husbands and kids to live their own lives. The world tells single girls that living on our own and becoming your own woman is what life is all about. It tells us that we do not need a man to complete us because we can go out and sleep with whoever we want to and have no consequences. It is trying really hard to make us believe that by wanting to get married and have a family is a last resort or an act of desperation on our part. Marriage and God honoring relationships are no longer viewed as desirable, even in the church culture of America and it is heartbreaking.

Any thoughts on this topic?

More like her

I decided at the beginning of the summer that I wanted to learn more about the women of the Bible on my own. Admittedly, I haven't sought out information about the matriarchs of the Bible before, and boy oh boy was I in for a treat!

I think I was most curious about these women because of the way my family is shaped. We do not have patriarchs, we have matriarchs. My grandfathers died before I was born, so I was loved by my grandmothers. I don't have many uncles, but a ton of aunts. And many of my cousins that are close to my age are female. Even in my own immediate family it is the same. My dad is more hands off so my mom is the one involved in the daily goings on of the family. The same is true of my niece and nephew's father. He works afternoons and doesn't play as big of a role in the daily life of his children. 

I didn't exactly go about things in an orderly fashion, just tried to follow where the Spirit led me.

I have studied Lydia, Rebekah, Sarah, Hagar, the Proverbs 31 woman, Rahab, Gomer, Job's wife, Hannah, Samson's mother, Delilah, and Tamar.

I have really enjoyed learning about these women. They all have the most interesting stories and play such huge parts in the stories that were so familiar to me from my years in Christian school and church, but I never realized it! Sermons tend to center on the men of the Bible that do great things. But what about the women that were holding down the fort, encouraging, shaping, loving, molding, and raising these men? Samuel would never have lived to do great things if Hannah had not prayed and wept and trusted God for him. There are 3 women named in the lineage of Christ, that's important! Men were able to rise above the others because of the women they could trust to manage their homes. Women opened their homes to disciples and cared for them. Or hid spies in her country to protect them from the wrath (based in fear) of the armies of her country. Men were tempted by these women too. They fell to their deception and even lusted after their beauty. They were raised by incredible women and raised sweet little girls to become incredible women.

I want to be more like these women and learn from these women. They have valuable things to teach us. I want to have faith like Hannah, and be strong like Lydia, and fearless like Rahab. I want to be blessed like Sarah, and obedient like Ruth. And I also want to learn from the women like Delilah and Potiphar's wife. And learn to protect myself from Bathsheba's story. I want to learn to trust God from the distrust of the wife of Job. And remember to put God first from the story of Gomer. But most of all, I want to be a willing servant like Rebekah.

I read this quote from a website about Rebekah, it said, "The godliness of Rebekah is what opened the door to her destiny. She was not complaining of her situation, but rather allowed the love of God to shape her life." She was an answer to prayer! She wasn't complaining about her lot in life, she was living in the knowledge that she was created for a greater purpose than anything she had imagined for herself. Isn't that amazing?? I want to be like that!!!

I want to strive every day to become more like the wonderful women of the Bible. The way I see it, if God put them into the Bible, there's a good chance they are there for a pretty good reason!

Who is your favorite Bible character?

Divine Interruptions

Have you ever been walking through life just fine and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, your life is interrupted and flipped upside down? I used to think that these were just big annoyances that got in my way and were to be moved through as quickly as possible, but I don't think that anymore. I am recognizing more and more in my own life that these interruptions are actually divine interruptions meant to make me pause and learn some things.

My life has been full of these divine interruptions lately, from my sister and 2 children moving back in with me and my parents, to a feeling of desertion from many of my friends, to letting go of a dream that I have held onto for so long. These interruptions have threatened to consume me and defeat me. But God is a gracious teacher. He hasn't let me quit yet. Just when I think I can't go another day in the chaos and I just want to hide under the covers all day, He brings me a reminder or some kind of blessing that rejuvenates my spirit and I remember that it will get better. It has to, because God would not bring me to this place to leave me here. He wouldn't be glorified in a broken mess of a person by dropping them off on the side of the road and leaving them for dead! He is glorified when we can show the world where we have been and where He has taken us from there!

I was thinking about a message I heard at the beginning of the year about divine interruptions by Beth Moore at the Passion Conference in Atlanta, Georgia. She spoke about the woman who had an issue of blood who touched Jesus' clothes and was healed immediately.

Here is the whole story from Luke 8:

Jesus heals two women

⁴¹ A man named Jairus, who was a synagogue leader, came and fell at Jesus’ feet. He pleaded with Jesus to come to his house ⁴² because his only daughter, a twelve-year-old, was dying. As Jesus moved forward, he faced smothering crowds. ⁴³ A woman was there who had been bleeding for twelve years. She had spent her entire livelihood on doctors, but no one could heal her. ⁴⁴ She came up behind him and touched the hem of his clothes, and at once her bleeding stopped. ⁴⁵ “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When everyone denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds are surrounding you and pressing in on you!” ⁴⁶ But Jesus said, “Someone touched me. I know that power has gone out from me.” ⁴⁷ When the woman saw that she couldn’t escape notice, she came trembling and fell before Jesus. In front of everyone, she explained why she had touched him and how she had been immediately healed. ⁴⁸ “Daughter, your faith has healed you,” Jesus said. “Go in peace.” ⁴⁹ While Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the synagogue leader’s house, saying to Jairus, “Your daughter has died. Don’t bother the teacher any longer.” ⁵⁰ When Jesus heard this, he responded, “Don’t be afraid; just keep trusting, and she will be healed.” ⁵¹ When he came to the house, he didn’t allow anyone to enter with him except Peter, John, and James, and the child’s father and mother. ⁵² They were all crying and mourning for her, but Jesus said, “Don’t cry. She isn’t dead. She’s only sleeping.” ⁵³ They laughed at him because they knew she was dead. ⁵⁴ Taking her hand, Jesus called out, “Child, get up.” ⁵⁵ Her life returned and she got up at once. He directed them to give her something to eat. ⁵⁶ Her parents were beside themselves with joy, but he ordered them to tell no one what had happened. 

This was a Divine Interruption. Do you see it? Jesus was on his way to heal a little girl when this woman pushed her way through the crowd to touch his clothes. What's crazy to me is that Jesus FELT her touch, out of the many people that were surrounding him. This tells me that He cares about our concerns and He wants to address them. He didn't just feel the power go out from Him, He stopped and took the time to call out to the woman and bless her. That is a personal God who loves His people if I ever saw one! I believe He stopped for another reason as well. He didn't want to just care for her, He wanted to acknowledge her faith to the crowd surrounding them so they would believe as well.


Then Jesus turns His attention back to what He was on His way to do. But word comes that the little girl has died so Jesus is not needed anymore. This could have been a bad situation for the woman with the blood issue. The crowd could have easily turned on her and blamed her for interrupting Jesus on his way to save the life of a little girl. But Jesus wouldn't let that happen. Jesus can raise people from the dead, don't forget! This proves that the divine interruptions will interrupt our lives, but He won't allow them to change what He is already working toward. 


The interruptions in my life have come at a key time, and I can recognize that now. I am fast approaching a turning point in life when I will need the skills that this interruption has taught me. I have no idea what that turning point is, but I know that it isn't going to be easy. I have been learning patience and gentleness and love. Those are not things that are the most necessary qualities when facing a cake walk! Those are qualities that you need when you are walking into a struggle that will be so worth it!


What is your DIVINE INTERRUPTION? Are you learning from it or fighting it? 

Hopes and dreams

Do you have a dream that God has given you to carry? I do. Sometimes I think that I made it up on my own. That this dream has crept into my mind on its own and God had nothing to do with it. But that is false. I believe that God has put this dream in my heart to give me hope. I have been praying for confirmation that my dream is not crazy and God came through in huge ways! I love when God comes through with a verse to speak to my situation. It makes me feel like it's more real than if someone says a certain thing to me, because human words can get mixed up sometimes but scripture endures forever and is the same today as it was 1,000 years ago.

The verse He gave me this weekend was:
Psalm 119:49-50
"Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life."

Isn't that great? It speaks directly to the hope that He has given me through the dream that has been placed in my heart. I find that it is hard to not get discouraged sometimes when you have a dream, but your hope is slipping. I believe that He gave me this dream for a reason, and that He won't dash my dreams, but when it doesn't happen right away it can be frustrating.

I heard a great quote from Oswald Chambers yesterday and it is so true of life in this time. He said, "God gives us a vision and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision, and it is in the valley that so many of us faint and give way."

I am definitely in the valley right now. I can recognize that I am not the person that I need to be to receive the vision He has given me and He is using this time in the valley to shape me into who I need to become. If you find yourself in the valley when you thought your dreams were going to come true, don't lose faith. He IS coming through, He just needs to teach you a few things in the mean time. And do everything you can to learn and accept the things He is trying to teach you so your time in the valley may be shorter!

Part of what I believe God is teaching me is how to become the woman that I need to become. Part of that is finding some women to mentor me and help teach me and shape me into who God wants me to become for the next stage of life that is coming my way. I believe that I may have found that group of women. But I will know better later this week! So stay tuned!

Begging God to come through

Have you ever been faced with a situation that you felt if God didn't come through you don't know what would happen? Maybe I'm the only one that prays that God will come through in a specific situation, wanting to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that He would show up in a powerful way, but not really being sure of it. I know He is Mighty and Awesome and is able to do things that I could not even fathom in my tiny, finite, emotion-driven brain, but I am also human and believe the lies the devil tells me more often than I would like.

I laid in bed the other night sobbing harder than I have sobbed in a while. Things at home are crazy stressful right now and I have been begging God to come through. Because, if I get really honest right now, if He doesn't come through I don't know what I will do. This change is so connected to who I am and where I believe I am headed that if my bubble is burst I won't know what to do with myself.

I have seen God do big things in my life. I have been encouraged to dream big. But I also know that if I don't trust completely that He will come through I am like a wave tossed by the wind. But how do I trust with my entire being that He will come through in a situation that I have never had to trust Him for before. I have tried to pray and believe in the past, but it didn't happen. And while I can recognize that it was obviously not the right situation and that God has something so much better for me, it doesn't make it any easier. My irrational brain wants to say forget it, I'll handle this one on my own. But I know that is not what following Christ is about. I have to trust Him with everything or nothing. That's how it works.

The thing that I am praying and begging God for is something so near and dear to my heart. It is a bit crazy and some might think it's a bit out there, but I have to believe that God will come through.

I am claiming Psalm 37:4-5 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act."

He promises that when we do what He has called us to do He WILL act!! He WILL give us the desires of our hearts! That promise is everything. He proves to us that He is not just sitting in Heaven watching us suffer and punishing us for our sin, He wants to bless us! How incredible is it that the Creator of the Universe takes the time to bless us all individually in specific ways that will impact us the most.

I will carry you and sustain you

Haven't posted in a while, so I figured now was a good time!

I have been reading through Isaiah lately and it is full to the limit of great stuff! I have learned a lot and have seen God really show up while I have been reading. He even sent me a new friend that brought up Isaiah multiple times while we chatted. I am learning that in order to be in the will of God I need to be seeking God first. Many times I misguidedly pray that God will show me what is next, when I should be spending time with God and watching as things fall into their rightful places.

Looking back on the times when I felt God pushing me toward my next adventure I realize that many times I was not struggling for it or even really looking for it. When I got the opportunity to be an intern at my church, I wasn't trying to manipulate the situation or prove that I was the right person for the job (in fact at one point I was told that I didn't get it) but I just prayed and read and sought God to work out the details and he came through more than I could have expected! (I ended up not only working there for the summer, but for 15 months total!)
And the same thing happened when I landed the job I currently hold. I wasn't really looking for a job, even though I knew I was about to desperately need one. I was at church one week and ran into the wife of one of my pastors. We started chatting about jobs (she knew I was about to not have a job) and she told me to send her my resume because the newspaper she works for may be hiring. A month and 2 interviews later, I was offered the job! And I was only without a job for 2 weeks. I wasn't pursuing, I wasn't stressing, I was just seeking God. 

When we sit at the feet of Jesus, he longs to give us everything that he has to offer. He knows the desires of our hearts better than we do even and he knows when and how each desire will effect us and when is the best time to grant them.

So why do I continue to stress about things? I'm not any better than anyone else, because even though I know this to be true, I don't live like I believe it, like everything depends on it.

This verse reminds me that I do not need to stress because I AM has me taken care of.
I am he, I am  he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. {Isaiah 46:4b}

We are called to wait... unfortunately.

As I have expressed before, I hate waiting more than almost anything else in my world! Through some searching, I found the following verses that remind me (sometimes nicely and other times with a slap in the face that I need) that I have to wait for His plan and trust that He knows what is best, putting my hope in Him.

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."

Psalm 37:9 "For evildoers will be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land."

Isaiah 30:18 "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!"

Isaiah 51:5 "My righteousness is near, My salvation has gone forth, and my arms will judge the people; the coastlands will wait for Me, and for My arm they will wait expectantly."

 Isaiah 12:2 “Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; For the LORD GOD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation.”

Psalm 62:5 "My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him."

Psalm 33:20 "Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield."

Mark 15:43 "Joseph of Arimathea came, a prominent member of the Council, who himself was waiting for the kingdom of God; and he gathered up courage and went in before Pilate, and asked for the body of Jesus."

Acts 24:15 "having a hope in God, which these men cherish themselves, that there shall certainly be a resurrection of both the righteous and the wicked."

Titus 2:13 "looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus,"

Jude 1:21 "keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life."

Romans 8:19 "For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God."

1 Corinthians 1:7 "so that you are not lacking in any gift, awaiting eagerly the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ,"

Psalm 130:5-6 ⁵ "I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope. ⁶ My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning." 

Psalm 52:8-9 "But as for me, I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the lovingkindness of God forever and ever. I will give You thanks forever, because You have done it, And I will wait on Your name, for it is good, in the presence of Your godly ones."

Psalm 62:1-12 "My soul waits in silence for God only; From Him is my salvation. ² He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken."

Psalm 37:7-9 "Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land."

Lamentations 3:25 "The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him." 

So take heart and know that waiting on the Lord is the best option you have!

i'm no good at waiting

I hate waiting

I hate waiting, especially when I don't know what is about to happen or at least what the time line is. If I am supposed to go somewhere with someone and they have to push back the time at the last second I don't know how to fill that extra time.
I also hate waiting when I know things are going to change but I'm not sure exactly when. I am so tempted to sit around and do nothing in anticipation of that change. Since I moved home from college, I have not done anything to redecorate my bedroom to fit my taste now. I know that living in a small room at my parents' house is not forever or even for much longer, so why go through the trouble of decorating when I may not be there much longer? But when I don't decorate, it makes me less satisfied in the here and now. I see my bedroom as a sign that I am living more for the future than for the present. That isn't healthy either.
The same could be true about the rest of my life. I know that I won't be single forever, so I am tempted to just sit around and do nothing because it won't be a place that I am for a long period of time. But that's not what God asks of his servants. He asks us to be doing his will now AND hoping for the future, winning people to Christ WHILE looking ahead to his kingdom.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 46:10: "He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'"
Something that I struggled with for a while with this verse is the difference between "being still" and "doing nothing". What I have learned is that "being still" is more mentally and emotionally and "doing nothing" is physically. You can (and should) be still while still doing something for the kingdom of God. But you cannot do nothing and be still at the same time.
Being still seems to be more of an attitude of serenity with God and his guiding in your life. I can rest in his will for me and still be doing something.
Another great verse that I recently discovered is Isaiah 25:1: "Lord, you are my God, I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago."
I don't have to worry about the waiting, because God has wonderful things planned. He has perfect faithfulness to bring them to pass because they were planned long ago for me.

Sometimes we are the sowers and sometimes we are the harvesters

Last night at my church's youth group, the youth leader wrapped up his message with an alter call of sorts. He asked that anyone who wanted to know Jesus would come forward so they could pray together. I was slightly amazed at the number of kids that went forward, but as kids were continuing to go forward I began to wonder if they were serious or if they were doing it because of what others thought of them or because that's what they thought they were supposed to do. Looking around at the kids that were left seated it was a mix of church kids that are in service every week with their parents and the anti-conformist kids that only come every week to play basketball.

Talking to a friend and fellow youth leader after, he expressed his shared concern that the kids may not have had the right motives for going forward.

While it may have been a bit frustrating to watch, it made me think back to a principle that I learned in college ministry. I remember the Greek Intervarsity staff worker telling me that we may not get to see the true harvest, but we may be planting a seed that will bloom later in life their lives.

I have seen this echoed so many times in my short life. I have seen sorority sisters come to Christ, a Bible study that I struggled to get started grow and flourish after I graduated, junior high students that I mentored joining the leadership team in their high school years, friends that I loved through their sin and foolishness who are now married to good godly men and serving God together. It has been such a blessing to realize my small part in God's huge plan in the lives of  people around me.

In Galatians 6:7-10 the principle of sowing and reaping is explained:

⁷ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. ⁸ Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. ⁹ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Verse 9 especially gives me hope. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." If we continue to do what we are supposed to be doing and do not give up when it gets hard, we will reap a harvest. God is not promising that we will get to win that certain person to Christ that we have been pouring into for so long, but He promises that we will reap "a" harvest, not necessarily "the" harvest we expect.

Is there someone in your life that you have planted the seed in them and seen someone else reap the harvest? Are you rejoicing in that or feeling bad for yourself for not being a part of the end result?

blessings and failures

2011 was a year of major failures and a few great blessings.

It is easy for me to focus on the bad of the past year. I could tell many more stories of my failure than I could of my successes. I failed God, I failed my parents, I failed almost everyone I know it seems. Many don’t even know how many times I failed in the past year because I was embarrassed and kept them to myself. But overall, I am learning that I have to move beyond them and seize the potential of this year. Through my failures I have learned so much, even when I was allowing them to define me and tell me that I did not deserve the blessings that were in my path.


Coming out of 2011, I was so excited to start over and leave those failures behind. But what I have already realized is that I can't simply leave them in my dust. It's not a new concept that our past has a tendency to follow us around like a shadow, casting gloom on a sunny day. If I don't ask for forgiveness and then forgive myself, I will never be free of those failures.


I would guess I am not the  only one that holds on to things far past their usefulness. What baggage are you still carrying? Is it a relationship that ended badly and you just can't seem to get any closure? Maybe you were fired or laid off from your job and can't seem to find another one because you are holding on to the old one? Or it may be a drug addiction that still haunts you. Or maybe you just feel like an all around failure and can't see around the pile of crap that you have built around you to keep people out.


Whatever it is, I encourage you to talk to God about it. Realizing that He already knows what is going on, but that he wants to hear it from you is oddly comforting. He loves you so much that He desires an open and honest relationship with you. He is our Heavenly Father. Think about the best dad you know. I hope that it is your own father, but some people are not that lucky. That dad that you have in mind, does he get mad when his child comes to him with a problem he needs fixing? No! He is excited to help in some way to make his child's life a little easier. That is what God desires of our relationship with Him.

Contentment

Lately i have been surrounded by talks of contentment as well as talks that causes my contentment to waver. For a good portion of the past 6 months i was learning more and more about relationships, dating, marriage and all that good stuff. And while it is "good stuff" it can also be harmful if i don't check my heart and desires and remind myself that there will come a time when that information is useful, but that may not be right now and that is okay. Today i listened to a podcast by Ben Stuart entitled "Contentment" and it was a great reminder of what i need to focus on right now.

"The default settings for many of our hearts is discontent"

Philippians 4:11-13

"I have learned how to be content/self-sufficient" - Paul it did not depend on his circumstances in life to be content, he learned to depend on God completely.

It's a command for Christians to be content. Godliness with contentment is great gain.

Guys don't want Barbie who is not ok without the dream home and convertible. They want someone who is going to be content for better and for worse and for richer or poorer. Girls want this type of person too. They don't want a guy who is so caught up in getting more that they work 80 hours a week because they have to get more of the things that they want. Girls want a man who is content with what they have and will be there emotionally and physically, and not always at work.

Contentment is really hard! Our world teaches that more is better. I think back to a show I watched occasionally when I was younger. "My Super Sweet Sixteen" was on MTV for a long period of time and followed a young person who was planning an over the top, elaborate sweet 16 birthday party. These parties generally included a huge venue, special catering, a larger than life cake, some famous performer, extravagant gowns or tuxes, and generally some kind of really expensive car as one of many gifts.

I remember one episode where the girl flew to Paris to pick out 2 or 3 different outfits for her various outfit changes throughout the night and had a very famous artist performing at the party. When it came time for the unveiling of her gifts, her parents led her outside and there was her brand new car. It was a nicer car than I will ever even have the opportunity to sit in, let alone own. Her reaction is what got me though. She was mad because it was not the one that she wanted. Through her tears she cursed at her parents for not giving her exactly what she wanted. I was stunned watching that.

Even with the most extravagant party and outfits and gifts, she still wasn't content. Instead she disrespected her parents in front of all of her friends and on national television.

Is there something in your life that you have not been content with or grateful for that God has given you? I encourage you to take it to God and express what you are feeling and ask for forgiveness.