Monday, May 7, 2012

Anxiety and Discouragement

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6

For the past week, at least, I have been praying the words of this verse without really thinking about it being a familiar verse, it is just something that has been on my heart lately. I love when God does things like that to remind me that he is listening to my heart beats and knows what I need.

Some days I am content with my current place in life, and some days I am not. Some days I feel like I'm right where God wants me to be, in the middle of the action, waiting boldly for him to call me to action. But some days I feel like I am sitting in a small musty waiting room alone waiting for some unknown person to call me back and I have run out of interesting magazines to occupy my mind in the seemingly eternal wait. Today is the latter.

My prayer the last few weeks has consisted of me crying out of God and begging Him to come through and be extremely real in my life. It's not that He isn't already real in my life, because He is, but there is a difference between knowing He is real and watching Him move Mt. Everest. In my day to day life I believe that God is near and watching over me, but there are times in life that I need more than a spectator God. It is easy to think that I am ultimately making decisions throughout the day and God is watching me from heaven but that is not the true nature of God. He has all things in His control. There are no coincidences and no accidents. Nothing takes God by surprise, not even my decisions. He knows all things well in advance.

There are a lot of questions and uncertainties in my life right now. I know I am not the only one that faces these, but I am at a point where I am coming up against these big questions that I have never been face to face with before. They are things like: should I stay at my job (that I like) or pursue some things that I have always wanted to try? Would a new job mean moving out of state? Am I really ok with moving out of state? Who am I going to marry? When am I going to get married? Do I want to have kids? The questions that I am facing right now are the kind that could change the course of my life. That terrifies me!

I'm feeling very discouraged today. I feel like one in a million, just a face in the crowd and nobody special. These are all horrendous lies from the devil. The Creator of the Universe knows my name, and how many hairs I have on my head, and what makes my heart happy. And if things don't work out with a certain situation that might be plaguing me at the moment, then God has something so much better for me up the road a little further. I just have to keep walking and stay on the right track. Why is that so hard to remember?

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