Why is it that you can be so excited about something one day and then the next day have such doubts? It's like an extreme case of shopper's remorse or something. There is something about sleeping on a decision that can change your perspective.
On Wednesday I was so pumped about going to South Africa. I was thinking about how awesome it will be to play with orphans and help build daycare centers for them to be able to go and learn about Jesus in a safe atmosphere. I couldn't wait to fast forward to July and experience stepping off the plane in Durban, South Africa. Setting my foot on a new continent. I was longing for that big adventure with Jesus.
Today is Friday and I am freaking out! I am still excited to go, but I think the reality sunk in a bit more. There are so many things that are uncertain and out of my control. I'm nervous about raising enough money. I'm nervous about shots and passports and illness. I'm nervous that I somehow made the wrong decision.
There are so many things that I can't predict, and that scares me. I believe that God called me. And I know that if he called me then he will make a way for me to go. And whatever happens is in his hands and I can't do anything to help or hinder that aside from just hiding under the covers of my bed and refusing to accept it.
There is only one thing that I can do, pray. I can talk to the creator of the universe, the one who loves those orphans and widows and hurting people more than I can ever hope to. I can beg and plead for the Jesus that I have known since I was a little girl to become more real to me than he ever has been before. And he hears me. That is the wonderful part! Even when I am uncertain and struggling to string together words that make any sense, he hears me. He knows my heart. And you know what else is great? He knows what I will encounter in my journey to South Africa because he has gone before me. He knows the number of hairs on my head and the number of my days. He knows every thought that I will ever think and where my life will be in 5, 10, even 50 years! I don't have to worry about the financial aspect of things. As long as I am being faithful in the things that God has given into my care he will provide the rest.
Even just verbalizing these fears and anxieties has helped immensely to ease my nerves. I know that God's got this!
Please be in prayer for our trip. I know it is still months away, but the more prayer the better, right? Pray for God to prepare the hearts of the team that is going that their motives would be pure and their faith would be strengthened. Pray for Dan and Rachel Smithers and their children living in Durban and started Key of Hope. Pray for all of our fund raising efforts. And most of all please pray that the people in the squatter villages we will be working with will come to know Jesus!
Check out the Key of Hope website at keyofhope.org if you're curious about what all this is about.
Here are some pictures from the website so you can get a glimpse of the things this ministry is already doing there!
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