Thursday, June 14, 2012

Built for so much more

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Isaiah 26:3

I have been through a lot. If you are curious about what I mean by that, invite me to coffee and ask. I am an open book about the things of my past usually. I don't see my past as shameful. I see it as a less than great time in life when God was teaching me to become a strong woman. Sometimes I pray that God would bring me a no drama, piece of cake husband and marriage. I pray that he would be free of the baggage and hurt that I have witnessed in my parents and seen in my own life. I pray that we would live "happily-ever-after". But I know that is not what my life will look like. I realized something a few weeks ago. If I were to marry that kind of man, my past, all the hurt and everything I experienced would have been in vain. I have so much strength and knowledge that I have learned through the issues of my past that will come in handy in my future life. I now realize that I have been prepared my whole life for a man who will need a strong woman like me.

Knowing the trend that many women marry someone like their father, I used to pray that God would not giving me a husband in a "uniformed profession." Don't get me wrong, those uniforms are very nice to look at, but I didn't want to marry someone with the same issues with PTSD like my father. It has been a hard road, learning how to handle the different person my dad became after developing PTSD from his time on the police force, and I didn't want to have to deal with that any more. But what I realized was, who would be better equipped than me for that?

Men that have seen the things that no one should have to see are a special breed. Some handle it better than others, but it still leaves scars and nightmares and memories of the worst of humanity. These men need a special woman to care for them. Maybe, just maybe I have been being prepared for something like that my whole life?

The knowledge of this scares me, I won't lie! But I know that I have a God who is bigger than all my fears and He is already there and knows what I will need once I get there. I truly believe that I am in the final phases of my training before I begin this challenge, so I am soaking up everything that I can now to be as well equipped as possible. I want to become the woman that my husband will need. 

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Isaiah 26:3

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