Monday, December 12, 2011

A new year

With my birthday and New Years being so close together, I can't help but start to think about what the next year will bring. I used to be excited to see another year pass because it meant one less year of school or being a teenager or something. Now it has lost a lot of its appeal. I graduated from college and don't intend on going back anytime soon. I am now mid 20s. And I feel kind of stuck. There are things I am looking forward to and praying will happen in the coming year or 2 but I am afraid they won't happen the way I want them to happen. I really want to get married in the next couple years. Get my first ever full time job with benefits and all that. And maybe even start planning for kids. Honestly, I'm beyond terrified! I'm afraid that it will happen! It is definitely something I know I want, but the reality of it is sobering.

There are so many wedding shows on TV that I love watching, but those show the fantasy and the happiest moment of their lives. Those shows don't show the reality of what marriage is. Marriage is hard work. It's a daily struggle to continue to love someone who makes you consider smothering them in their sleep! It's ups and downs. It's victories and failures in the most extreme ways.

But I strongly believe that a good marriage is possible, even possibly a great marriage. I pray multiple times a day that God would bring me the man that I am meant to spend the rest of my life with, but that still terrifies me more. The rest of my life? Like forever. Until death do us part. Even when I can't stand him anymore. Even when someone else is more attractive or nicer or treats me better.

But for me, marriage isn't meant to end. For me, when I say I do, I want to truly live up to that commitment. Because if I fail, I fail God. If I fail, I tell God that he was wrong when he made one woman for one man. He was wrong when he brought me this man and told me to marry him. And I am telling him that I lied to his face when I stood on that altar and said "I do". What a complete failure that would make me.

I know I'm not perfect and I know that my husband won't be perfect either and 2 imperfect sinners cannot form a perfect marriage, but God is gracious with us. And he will never give us more than we can handle. Therefore, I believe God's word when it says that all things are possible through Him. He is able to fix the things that we break in our sinful stupidity.

 I don't know when I will meet him, or if maybe I already know him but he just hasn't figured out how incredible I am yet. But I know that I have a God who follows through on His promises. He has promised to give me a hope and a future.

This is my hope for the future.

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