I have to say, the church I attend has come a long way since my first encounter with the ridiculous tactics that women will go to, but it often seems like we are still so far away from the mark. As of late, they have given up the soap making retreats into the woods. They rarely use flowered table cloths to differentiate the women's ministry table in the lobby. And large, elaborate floral centerpieces are rarely used.
I'll start with a little background about myself. I am 25, single, no children, working, and living in my sister's basement. To many, that can lead to a belief that my life experiences are very minimal. For example, it can lead people to believe:
• I have no experience taking care of a home.
• I have little experience working with children (except when I'm called on to help in the nursery so actual mothers don't have to step foot in that war zone!)
• I don't have experience in ministry.
• I have all the time in the world, so naturally I should be more involved in ministries with all that free time.
• Or that there must be something wrong with me because no man has snatched me up yet.
(Believe it or not, I have heard some version of all of these examples from the lips of women around me.)
I want you to know, and maybe you already do know, that I am none of these things, and neither are my fellow single ladies out there.
I have never felt a sense of belonging in women's ministry. I have always felt like it tells me that I am not enough. Maybe they don't mean to, but I get the clear message that I have very little to offer because of a perceived lack of experiences and therefore a lack of knowledge.
I can't tell you how many times I have gone to women's events and sat through talks about loving my (non-existent) husband, the trials of raising my (yet unborn) children, the importance of intimacy, house-cleaning, canning, baking, decorating, etc... But I don't think I have ever heard a single woman asked to speak on the trials of being single in today's sex-crazed, messed up world where people are trying to marry you off to the next single guy they see and ignoring your standards (or even your taste/age/goals/dreams/etc) because of some belief that you'll be better off that way. I have never been challenged to live a pure life that points back to Jesus, even when He seems silent. And forget the message encouraging me to wait on the Lord, in whatever situation I am in.
I don't want to hear a cookie-cutter message about salvation or the grace of God. Those are good things, but, I want to hear practical words about the struggles that we all go through, single, married, divorced, or widowed. I want someone to look me in the eye and tell me the importance of prayer in my life. I need to learn how to guard my heart from the attacks of the enemy and the deceitful lips of others. I want you to invest in my life in a real way. Not by sending me a card once a month with a verse and signed "The ladies of _____ church". I want someone to send me a card telling me that they are praying for me in real ways and sign their name. I want a person. A real live person who takes the time to know my story. I don't want you to try to sympathize with me, especially if your singleness ended before the ripe "old" age of 23. I want someone to verbally smack that person who believes that there is something wrong with me for not being married already!
I know that you are busy with your husbands and children. I know that our schedules don't always make meetings easy to arrange. I know that we both have a lot going on. But if you don't take the time to invest in my life and be honest with me, who will? Am I just supposed to float out here on my own until I'm finally caught by a man and have a couple babies? Then will I be welcomed into your ranks?
I'm not asking for someone to be assigned to meet with me every week. I don't want my name to appear on a list that you have been told to send text messages to once a week. I'm just asking that we get real. Can we do that?
