Sometimes we are on the mountain tops and sometimes we are in the valley, sometimes we are in the lush gardens and sometimes we are in the desert. Sometimes we are the windshield and sometimes we are the bug. Lately I have been feeling like the latter of all these analogies. I have found myself having lost friends, not being invited to things as often, sitting home with my parents far more than I would like, and being taken out of places of leadership that I had been a part of for a while. I don't really understand what's happening. But because of this I have found myself pulling away even more.
I feel like I am Peter having seen Jesus walk on the water and jumped out of the boat to meet him, and now I am sinking into the water. I'd say I'm about navel deep in the water right now. I feel like Joseph having been beaten up and thrown into the pit waiting to see what will happen next. Like Elijah having been on Mt. Carmel and now driven to the cave in the next chapter. Like Ruth having found the man of her dreams and then he dies. I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.
I would be lying if I said I was on my A game lately, I know I haven't been. I have known great mountain tops and I have known great valleys, and right now I feel like I am in a great valley. Nothing seems to fit right or be working in my favor. I have believed the lies that say I'm not good enough. I have allowed silly things that I shouldn't take so hard to become huge issues in my life. I have let myself feel so condemned and defeated over nothing.
I don't know what my problem is.
Well I guess that's not entirely true. I have a feeling I was on the verge of some huge God moments in my life and the devil was not too happy about it, so he threw every defense and trick he had up his sleeve in my face and I fell for it. I started believing the lies. I started feeling sorry for myself. I even started telling myself lies of my own. The lies are so much more effective when you tell them to yourself because you know exactly what your weaknesses and insecurities are and you can tell yourself the most convincing lies.
This blog is purely for you to hopefully learn from my mistakes or to remind you that you are not alone in this. God is still good, even through the valleys and the deserts.