here goes nothing

I have been toying with the idea of writing a book for quite some time now. But I haven't done it yet. When people ask me why I haven't written it yet I have a variety of excuses that I use, depending on who is asking.

If it's my parents I say, I'm too busy right now. If it's my friends I say, I have had other things on my plate and the idea has been pushing to the back burner. If it's a guy that I am interested in I say, I am not in that headspace any more. If it's someone that has heard me say that I will probably be single until I write this book I say, I haven't had any inspiration.

All of these answers are grounded in some truth. But the whole truth is that I am TERRIFIED to write it! I am terrified that it won't be any good and I'll be mocked relentlessly by the people that I know. I'm terrified that it will be good. I'm terrified to be rejected by countless publishers. I'm terrified of the recognition I could get. Just all around scared!

So maybe I will start out by writing some of my ideas here and get them out of my head and into cyberspace, just to see how they go over.

Blogging always seems like an easier forum to express your innermost thoughts and feelings.

So here goes nothing:

I am a single girl in my 20s, and for the most part I am ok with that label. I definitely have my ups and downs, but I enjoy my life right now. That is not to say that I want to be single my entire life. Actually, I would love to get married, have some kids and be a stay-at-home mom and home school my kids. But for now, I am in the exact place that God wants me and I am trying to embrace that and learn as much as possible while I am here. The way I see it, while I am here I may as well be useful! In order to be useful, I help at my local church as much as possible. I volunteer with the youth group and love on as many middle school and high school kids as possible with the love of Christ. I help in the nursery every week. I am active in the young singles group. And I help with as much as I can. I'm not telling you this to magnify how great I am, just to say that I am a busy girl! And to show you that there are plenty of ways to get involved at church.

I have always felt a little out of place at church though. Don't get me wrong, I love my church and the people there, but church is difficult for singles. For one thing, where do you sit? If your family doesn't attend the same church, or doesn't go at all, things are even more uncomfortable. But if you have a group of equally single friends, that makes things a little easier. And then there are the fears that everyone in the church will recognize that you are all single. There is nothing worse than when the older, happily married women of the church come by during the welcome time and shake your hand with that sympathetic look in their eyes. That is when you know they are racking their brains for some distant nephew or friend of a friend of a friends' son that they can set you up with.

Sometimes I want to scream "I am trying to be content over here and your sympathetic smiles and seemingly kind words of 'I'm sure he's out there sweetie, don't you worry' are making it that much harder!" They have good intentions, but I wish they would stop.