A question in a movie I saw over the weekend has stuck with me and inspired this entry. It is a simple concept. Nothing overly intellectual or theological or insightful. But it is a question that both excites me and terrifies me at the same time.
What would you do today if you knew you would not fail?
I have been trying to think of my answer to this question and I have found it is very difficult to answer.
Part of me wants to say that I would move to a foreign country and start a movement for Christ, but that seems like answering the question "What's your favorite book?" by saying the Bible. It's a good answer, but just feels like a cop out.
Then I thought maybe I would want to move somewhere exotic or historic in some way. But that doesn't seem like enough of a stretch for me.
So I guess I am at a loss.
My fears are not usually grounded in failure, they are usually founded in a lack of faith. There is a difference in my mind that is catastrophic.
I don't mind if I fail at something. It happens a lot so it is something that I have gotten used to over the years. If I fail someone or if I fail at something, it is my error and I can be forgiven and things can be amended.
A lack of faith is another monster in itself. That fear is that God will not come through and I will get that feeling that I hate more than anything, the feeling that God has failed me in some way. In my head, I know that God is incapable of failing me, but that rational brain doesn't always rule over my emotions and feelings.
This fear falls under a lack of discernment as well. If I knew without a shadow of a doubt that what I wanted to do was completely in line with what God is calling me to, I wouldn't be as afraid, but that isn't always mine to know completely. That is where faith comes in. And so the cycle continues!